To everyone

Hey everyone~~~~
Been disappearin for real long, sorry for not updatin...
My life been crazy s i had been so busy wit all d works i need to do
Neway, enough of rantin about d busyness
Im not complainin bcos seriously im enjoyin my work s well s debate.
It's cool time of bondin wit all my beloved coursemates s well s debate team n debaters from other unis.
I love all of u...

Im goin home in few more mins aft tis weekend of nt bein at home.
I miss my parents n even my bro very much...
Love them all, so can't wait 2 spend tmrw wit them~~

Im oso missin my sunday sch students n BTGC assembly...
Reali lookin 4ward 2 church tis week!!:D

I spent time wit miss lau cheng cheng for breakfast at McD d other day n it had been lotsa fun aft nt meetin her since lik...Form 1???...she hasn't changed much though, stil cute n squeaky (i noe u can't cahnge it cheng2). It's been great time n im reli lookin 4ward 2 it..

2 Mr Nazwan, all da best for tmrw final against UTP. MMU blh!! (motif support MMU)haha..
2 every1 i met durin debate comp, it was reli nice meetin all of u..hop 2 c u all soon in debat royal!!!

Hurm....oh ya...juz tot i missed a few numbers of things i 4got 2 update...
i went 2 a vocal workshop wit cheryl jie over d hols n it was pretty cool...taught us d breathin skills needed 4 singin n stuff....then went n tried Wendy for the 1st time wit cheryl jie in times square after yrs of nt steppin in2 times square.hahah....

then update since d sem start...life been a lil chaotic recently 4 me...classes r pretty packed n i need 2 fit in time 2 teach tuition..can't reali fit in time 2 go out wit frens nor b at home wit family...

Prob is im havin class on thurs nite which mean i will nt b able 2 attend prayer meetin in my own assembly, btgc. feelin distressed bout tis...sigh!jz commitin d thing in2 God's hand,knowin He will sumhow work things out...been skippin YA oso for family dinner, classes n even tis sat oso gonna miss YA. Oh gosh, 3 weeks of skippin church is keepin me low.:( God work things out 4 me... N im still puttin my family camp fees on hold bcos i doubt i cn go wit tis busy sem, bt i reli dun wanna miss it...:(

Assignments for tis sem oso seems pretty heavy...im so blur bout it n yet things r movin at such a past pace tt i reli need 2 catch up wit my workload tt mount up so fast eventhough tis is jz d third week...
But im havin fun wit sum aspects on it..for example, tis sem im doin practical n im writing for the english column. i lik the column assigned 2 me as im free 2 express my opinion n it's nt exaclt jz merely tellin d facts..for those who will like 2 read my article, pls feel free 2 do so on my facebook notes...i oso wan all of u 2 give me opinions on how i cn improve my writings...
N not 2 mention d times spent wit coursemates..ppl lik jocelyn, lee peng, syidah, emy, jing2, anne, leesan, poh lee, hui er, all d nadi bangi gangs...lovin every bit of them n time spent wit them.:D

Fo my debate frens who will b participatin in comin debate competition, i wish all of u all da best, for i dun believe in luck. U guys r reli good n im sure u will make UKM proud. GO GO GO!!~~

Went out wit kirsten n miss sze ping to celeb sze ping's bday. It was a simple gatherin n shoppin in alamanda n i reali enjoyed my time wit them..nt 2 mention d things we bought...our gang actually consist of 4 persons includin me, bt sigh, miss grace is missin bcos she is in aussie at d moment. we all missed her n reli felt d missin of her presence frm d gang..

Oso went down 2 Kepong for bak kut teh wit my family n extended family (aunt n her family in kepong)... it was a cool bt exhaustin time for me s im tryin 2 b there 4 everythin at once.feel so bad i can't overnite wit my cousins in kepong despite their pleading bcos i had to attend church d next day.

Missin sum ppl too..ppl lik miss joann lee (busy hibernatin in Nilai for her exam), miss yik ling, miss valene n hui hsien (both missin in action, oversea)...reli wish i cn catch up wit them asap...miss them alot..

For those of u who were there 2 support me durin tis time - aunt kim, thiagu, jason, abg naim, lai kuan, abg sly, pei ling, kak suguna (support tt comes frm afar) n my dearest family...i love all of u...

adios for now!

Finally...

hey every1, finally i have d time 2 update my fb...hehehe...

neway, jz a quick run of wat i've done since d last time i wrote...

• went to unimas for d debate competition n we lost. Bt it was a reli good experience n i reli had alot of fun.:D
• then after that, busy working, helpin around at home and going back uni once in awhile
• then i became judge for the debate competition for school level since my debate club do not have sufficient people to be judge...(cheh, i cn even say tt d secondary students were FAR better than me...malu jadi judge)
• then we welcomed in the new juniors for this year..stayed a few days n hav lotsa fun bonding wit debate team s well s new juniors.
• then yup, im back in uni...past one week,been busy registering for subjects n runnin around 4 classes.
• yesterday i juz went for a frenzy shopping spree wit coursemates...bought sandals, bag, lip gloss, eye liner, eye shadow, moisturizer, gifts, shirt...
• n yeah, im goin for harry potter 2nite with cheryl jie, kah yeong, hwei huih!:D

this semester is going 2 b a busy ones s i'll b juggling between MENTION club, debate competition, church, studies s well s time for all my loved ones. But it's all fun i believe!:D

ok then...buhbye 4 nw...try update sumthin more detailed later.:D

DEDICATED TO BUDAK BUDAK UPU

hehhee.....im gonna spend tis time to blog about my new found group of members that i reli learned 2 grow fond of thru out tis hols....let's start 1 by 1 individual...since there's alot of them,im gonna jz describe them all wit titles....muhuhuhu...

khai : the motherly one
qilah : my dearie twin
mira : the sleepy one
dayah : the cute n quiet one
suhaimi : the laughin one
abg pang: model of d yr
abg nuar : the social king
abg aria: the vogue one
black: the black one la,ape lagi
khalis: the well built one
nash: the scandalous one
farhana: the pretty one
tasha: the sweet one

muahhahaa......n im gonna spend my comin few days wit them,,,bet it's gonna b a good time wit them!!

n hey,so sorry but i actually forgotten 2 label 2 very important names s they were d ones takin reli good cr of me wen i was in sarawak. no excuse 4 me 2 4get them. so rem, jz bcos i din write bout u 1st, doesn't mean u r not important. stil very important ppl ya!!:D here's 2 .....

kak mah: the caring one
kak dah : the cute one

Memories

Who is that girl i c

Starin straight back at me?

Wen will my reflection show

Who i am inside?

There is a heart tt muz b free 2 fly,

Tt burns wit d need 2 noe d reason y...

Time continue 2 fly without waitin 4 any1 like a merciless wave tt swipe everythin on its way clean. Try s i may, i can't cling on to the memories of d past. It used to be crystal clear. Every senses so attuned to it. Yet now it plays like a broken record. Blur n imperfect. It can make no justice 2 wat it reli was. Memories...how frail it is. I cling 2 it s hard s i can, but like sand that can't be held, lil by lil it fade away.

Time changed a person. A small part of me reali miss tt old part of me n d old ways of livin. Yet how long more can i cling on 2 tt old me wen my finite brain is slowly but surely 4gettin the past?

I gained n i lost wen i was forced 2 take tis path. I will never choose tis path myself. Yet bein thrown in2 tis road that im nt familiar wit, i learned so many things.

I learned that faith involves trustin God in each step, puttin one foot in front of d other.
I learned tt we cn sumwat learn 2 survive no matter wt situation we r put in n God intend it 4 good.
I learned tt personality n tots will change by time s we grow frm one stage 2 d other,
That d past us cn even b unrecognisable 2 us nw.

Thrown in2 a path i nv tk voluntarily, i can't say that im completely happy.
Yet it's oni wit tis path, d serenity n peace tt comes frm trustin d Lord 2 carry me thru will ever surface.
It's oni nw tt i learnt, there is tis side of me tt i have never seen.

God broke my leg tt i learn 2 find Him on bended knees.
God broke me tht he cn mold me in2 better n tougher stuff.

I experienced many new things, more adventurous, takin on a future tht i nv imagin i will have.
I experienced God tearin me, oni knowin later on, it hurt Him more than me,
I experienced love, enrichin love tht strengthen d bond between me n my assembly,
I experienced love frm family n frens tt goes wit unspoken words.

Indeed it's time 2 walk away frm d old past, d memories i cling on so dearly 2.

N im learnin 2 b grateful,
That God created my brain in such a way,
That i cn oni rem so much,
That i have changed n nt recognised d old me.

Wat i hav been up 2 ( Part 3)

Im representin my uni for intervarsity malay debate competition in UNIMAS tis comin 12-16th of june. Tt will mark my 1st time takin flight. Hahaha....jakun i noe, tak pernah naik plane. But im proud 2 say tt my 1st trip on plane is sponsored for n i dun need pay a cent!:D recently been travellin in uni for d practise. Tis group of malay frens frm debate team r real cool ppl 2 hang out wit. Though i oni c them once a yr, they r fun 2 b wit. They r all real good debaters by d way. Can reali feel d pressure s im d weak link of d team n most of d time i went gaga went they state their points. Haha...but oh well, for d experience, it's real cool!

Yup,tt's me, busy takin pic wen ppl discussin.hahhaa....

These are our panel judges for d days, n d guy wit specs r real good wit his facts.impressive.

N here is our opposition!!!

All in all, it's been fun practisin wit them though im sure it's frustratin for them 2 have me in d team.huhuhu....will update u all bout d competition progress once im back frm it!

P/s - can u believe it, my exam result is comin out a day b4 my trip 2 sarawak. Wat a spoiler!ARGH.

Wat Have I Been Up 2 (2nd part)

Went down 2 Kepong on d 28th of May 2 celebrate my cousin suet mei's birthday. She is 16 yrs old tis yr! A real dilligent n hardworkin young girl. N she sings real well oso. She is in her school choir group n recently they won d district level n she's goin johor 4 d national level tis july. Reali hope she can make it. Neway, it was a simple celebaration tt nite. I bought a cake frm Kings for her n yummy, d cappucino cake definitely taste good!

Nice leh...oh...yummy.....2 bad no Kings in Kajang

Yup tis is her makin her wish...look at tt smile!

As she made her wish, I prayed a silent prayer tt no matter wat she wish, I will wish her Jesus. For in d Lord Jesus Christ, we are complete n lackin nothin. I wish and hope tt she will one day come 2 noe d Lord s her personal Savior, Lord n most of all a Faithful Companion thru out life's big n small trials. May she find the best bday gift of all, Lord Jesus Christ.

How sweet to hold a newborn baby,

N feel d pride n joy he give,

But greater still d calm assurance,

Tis child can face uncertain day,

Bcos Christ lives.

Wat Have I Been Up 2!!

On 26th i went to my uncle's hse. It's been sumtime since i last saw him. My uncle landed on a new job in langkawi n he oni come back oni once every 3 mths. I reali did miss him! He is my favourite uncle n he sayang me alot. Tt nite was a good time of catchin up with his family especially my cousins little daughter. i saw her grow up n now she's already std 4...she's stil so attached 2 me, made me felt so touched.:D neway i was fascinated wit her Barbie dolls collection. It's reali impressive!!

Looks lik real lovin couple rite???hehehe...

Handsome prince surrounded by pretty girls...ah...every guys dream ek?:P

Now tis is every girls dream....huhuhuhu

It's funny hw i nv enjoyed Barbie dolls wen i was a kid n nw im so fascinated wit it! Guess im catchin up wit sum missin childhood experiences. haha.... A great nite n i can't wait 4 my uncle 2 get back another 3 mths later!

IM BACK!!

hey every1, i noe it's been reli long since i last updated my blog..

jz a rush thru of things i've done since last day of my exam...been goin karaoke-ing wit my coursemates, hangin out in Mid Valley d whole day till nite...

then i went out wit cheryl jie, thiagu, yee wen n phoebe 4 a good dinner.

then went kepong and hung out wit cousins 4 good 2 days.

went out wit bro n mum 2 tis place in ampang called Quan Ice Cream n Coffee Hse.

teachin tuition almost everyday since my student gonna hav exam. bet he feel sick c-ing my face.LOL.

been practisin singin n oso workin out 2 shed those weight..

do hse work...

n oh, recently, plannin 4 joann n timothy's farewell. im havin lotsa fun doin it.hop they'll enjoy it!
enjoyed workin along wit max n chin liang oso.:D

n now, im in old town wit miss bel n mr chen weng keet for a tea!

more plans - goin out wit yikling, then go out wit cheryl jie again, then miss shanti n yeah, a shoppin spree hopefully wit miss chikwan, sookchin, hui hsien n sze ping....
p/s- gotta cut tis short, keet complainin d. sayin im spendin 2 much time online...wahahhaa....n ya, mayb a trip out sumwhere wit miss bel...

Give me a chance pls..

Things been goin pretty fine lately 4 me. Assignments r almost done. Nw only left film editin 2 do. Bt sumhow, my heart is in a mess. Been doin lotsa tinkin recently. Especially 2day..

I feel tt i've nt given my best shot in all d things i shd do. My walk wit God, assignments, commitment 2 family, bein a true fren 2 my frens n ppl in my church, my ministry n commitment s well s preparation 4 church meetings.

I haven giv my best 2 God. Nt committin all my ways 2 Him in total surrender. Im bt a lukewarm Christian. feel d pain wen God said He wanna spit out those who r lukewarm..Im a hypocrite.

Speakin of hypocrite, it reminds me of my frens. Im so judgemental n i am harsh 2 my frens wen they dun meet up my expectation or do wat a fren shd do 2 me. N 4 those who care, i took them 4 granted without carin much 4 their feelings. Though d phrase frens r meant 2 b used make me cringe, sad 2 say,i do tt sumtimes.

2 all my frens, coursemates n church members : im reli sori if u r 1 of my victim of selfishness.ironically, sumtimes, i dun even notice it. im oso sori 4 i noe tt i can b a real hypocrite n hurt u in anyway. Im reli sori..4 im bad n rotten..im tryin 2 change wit God's help..n i hop u guys will give me a chance..jz 2 b a real fren 2 u..I wanna say sorry 4 all d stupid gossips tt came out frm my mouth. Tryin hard 2 stop. Help me ya.

I mz do my best 2 do well in my remainin assignments nw n 2 put my whole heart in2 it n exam oso.

Even 4 my own family, i mz learn 2 love them more n spent more time carin 4 them. S in reli care n nt jz sit there n watch tv n tink i've spent time wit them.i need 2 b more sensitive 2 their needs..

I wanna b prepared n do enough of studies n preparation 4 bible study, YA n my sundy school ministry.

I wanna b discipline in takin care of my appearance s well.


Oh God help tis sinful girl change her way.

Here's sum pics frm my mlm perdana!

For those of u tt actually seen sum pics frm facebook, here's more of me in saree!!:P

Me n guitarist of d nite -Azrul Wandi

Ah yeah,i lik tis pic.hehe..

All d mass comm chinese pretty girls.huhu..nt all la,bt most. Me n yao lin, tis guy is superb in his japanese.

Me n leng luis....poh li n hui er...

A Lil Part Of Him In Me.

I was in Equatorial Bangi 4 my course nite dinner.It was a blast n i was d informal emcee 4 d nite. Was pretty nervous, but got thru it, thx 2 God's blessings n oso His providence of Rosyam Nor *famous malay artist,fwwt* 2 co host wit me 4 awhile. Bt now aft it's all ove, s i look back on tt nite, i realised how much impact he made in my life n how he stil left a mark in me. He shaped me in sum ways 2 b wat im.

Tt nite, wen i was on stage, s i was talkin, i din notice it,bt i was actually talkin n actin s he did wen he's on stage. I emulated him n sumhow, wit tt knowledge, he gav me d confidence 2 emcee well. It is s though he was standin behind me, encouragin me. A shadow of confidence n comfort.

He influenced me so greatly, tt rite now, he's a part of me - who i am, unknowingly. It saddened me so much 2 tink tt tis presence is no longer there n watever i felt tt nite durin dinner was jz a shadow of d past.

He was such a big part of my life. I owe so much 2 him 4 he taught me so many things, though of coz he was nv perfect or always rite. Most importantly, he taught me how 2 love another imperfect person so perfectly.

He left, but he left a lil part of him in me. N i dun tink i can ever shed him off jz lik tt.

Tears wanna flow s i write tis..but i guess ppl move on wit their life..n i wish him all d best..though he'll nv noe tis.

She Will Be Loved

I dun mind standin everyday,
Out in d corner in pourin rain,
N ask her if she wanna stay awhile,
N she will be loved..
N she will be loved..

I was so depressed tis evenin s i was walkin down frm hostel 2 cafe tis evening around 6pm. Rain was pourin n d sound of thunder was so loud, i felt d vibration in my heart. Depressed tt there was no 1 2 care 4 me even wen it was rainin so hard. No 1 tt'll come n bring me thru d rain..i was oso depressed bcos i can't find ppl 2 fetch me 2 d exam hall n oso 2 come back 2 hostel aft exam.Worried tt i'll reach exam hall late n oso worried 4 my safety wen i wait 4 bus at 10.30pm aft exam finish.

I prayed 2 God askin 4 d rain 2 stop so tt i can hitch d bus 2 go exam hall by 7pm.

God is wonderful.

He stopped d rain juz in time aft i finished my dinner.

He provided Joceline, my coursemate, a real kind soul, who let me go 2 her room, linger around wit her,then we went exam hall 2gether wit her senior who fetched us there. Juz wen i was worried bout how 2 go exam hall..

Then aft exam, Joceline asked tt senior 2 fetch me back Zaba.
I was honestly reli touched by Joceline's sincerity n care s a fren.
1.She was afraid i'll b attacked by monkey wen i went find her in her hostel.
2.She was afraid of me tired walkin d long steep stairs of ibu zain 2 find her. She considered askin her fren fetch me juz so tt i dun hv 2 climb d stairs.
3. She actually planned on my behalf n asked d senior fetch me back za ba.
4. She made me felt reli at home wen i was in her room.

Joceline has always been a gentle girl but pretty quiet. But her chatter juz now made me realized she was juz tryin 2 make me feel comfortable. How sweet of her n how nice of d senior oso.

Came back hostel, only 2 hear frm Jaya kor tt d assembly of BTGC prayed 4 my safety. N all my coursemates lik Vaani, Mei Wai, Poh Li n Leesan askin me how was my paper..N calvin n jason.Aunt Kim msged juz 2 ask if i got back safely.

How different my mood is frm 6pm. D love n care frm ppl around me n d encouragements they gave.

Most importantly..God's love n hugs of protection thru out d day n nite.

Truly d girl standin outside in pourin rain, was loved.

N she will be loved.

Bury my head in2 d book.

Lalala~~~

Printed my BJ work tis mornin, passed it up n settled my shootin stuff oso..ahh..sense of saitsfaction frm finishin my assignments.buhuhu~~more 2 come but it's ok..1 day at a time..1 day at a time..

Next thing 2 do is.....revise 4 2nite's exam frm 8.30pm 2 10.30pm..

i love countin down my work progress on my blog..sorry 2 bore u guys..hahha...but it's a fascination..

1:19 pm - tk shower!

2:07pm - start chapter 2 pg 37 of PPO.

3:24pm - pg 44??..no way..no more distraction!

cont countdown on assignments..

1:05 am 11 March 2009 - cont my BJ.

2:15am - 5.5 pages 2 go..

3:09 am - ops..busy chattin wit Soo Ann..slowed down. 5 pages 2 go..

4:27 am - lookin 4 sum blog deco. 3 pages 2 go..

5:09 am- brain jam..been scrollin ntg online..stil 3 pages 2 go..

6.31am - finished BJ already!YES!

Meditation on Ezra

I nv seems 2 b able 2 finish readin d old testament esp wit all d names n geneologies of who is whose son...always find d old testament a challengin thing.im only familiar wit genesis, jonah n esther.n half of exodus n bit of 1st samuel n 2nd samuel.n bit of psalms n proverbs..basically, i noe bit of here n there..but i reli feel lik changin it tis yr bcos s ppl said, there is no easy way out 2 noe God n d best way is obviously 2 read d bible. SO anyway, enuff said, 2day i read Ezra in 1 sittin while eatin roti murtabak n drink nescafe. A book tt i nv reli read n i dunno wat went on in it.

I found it so amazin n fascinatin s i read it. Ezra was a book of victory, but not d victory of mankind, but rather d victory of a glorious God tt use mankind s His instrument. It was wonderful 2 read bout how d temple of God was restored n most importantly d faith of God's children restored. It was great readin of d repentance of a whole nation tt renew their pledge 2 b obedient 2 God. Christ rejoiced over 1 lost child, wat more d whole congregation of Israel. Wat joy it muz hav been 2 God. We muz learn of how much it pains God wen we live in disobedience n how much God rejoiced wen we follow Him. We r so not worthy of tt trust n hope God given us, but all these r only possible bcos of our Lord Jesus Christ!

But it is important tt we noticed, without God's powerful hand of intervence, d rebuildin of God's temple was not possible. It is a precious reminder 2 us tt in our service 2 God, we can't go far if we r not relyin on God's protection frm d evil ones n God's power. It'll only b matter of time b4 we lose sight of our mission. Juz s Mary choose 2 sit at d feet of our Lord Jesus Christ n choose wat tt was important - 2 listen 2 our Lord, we shd do juz tt n b careful lest we fall in2 d trap of servin without worship. It's 1 of Satan's famous plan, tt's 2 keep us busy wit service, we lose our focus on Christ.

It amazed me tt God can use any1 2 move n do things d way He planned. God put forth in Isaiah a prophecy tt He will use Cyrus d king in His plan 200 yrs b4 Cyrus was born!God used d non believer kings in His plan 2 rebuild His temple. Look at d extend which d Gentile kings were willin 2 go in rebuildin d temple n u'll find tt there is no motivation 4 them 2 do so, except d fact tt God was behind it all. ( Ezra 1:2-8 n 6:3 - 12)

Alas, we muz rem, tt d devil is constantly prowling for victim. D more we stick close 2 God, d more d devil will try all his might 2 stop us. Ntg scares d devil more than a Christian walkin in d light of God. Wen God was restorin d temple 2 its splendor, enemies tried 2 stop it frm happened. But wat an assurance we hav, tt if it is d Lord's will, no matter wat we face, things will still work out in d end.

1 thing struck me oso. Wen i read till Ezra 9 n 10, i was reli caught by d focus tt d whole Israel hav in obedience 2 God. They grieved wen they found out tt they disobeyed d Lord by marryin those frm d other lands. Without tinkin, they knew it is d rite thing 2 do 2 put away all these wives n those who have been born 2 them (Ezra 10:3) I was bothered bcos bein a very nostalgic n a person tt put relationships of high priority, can i do d same if im in d Israelites shoe?i sumhow feel tt i can't. Im 2 emotionally weak 2 b so clear minded. I muz learn 2 fix my eyes on Lord Jesus Christ ( Hebrews 12:1-3) n follow Ezra's example in chapter 7 vs 10 : For Ezra has prepared his heart 2 seek d law of d Lord, n 2 do it, n 2 teach statutes n ordinances in Israel. We muz learn not 2 tolerate sin n grieved wen we fall. All these muz go beyond d emotional level of guilt, but instead shd lead 2 overflowin in worship of God's grace n action 2 stay away frm sin.

So much more can we learn frm His Word. May i glean n sift thru ur Word carefully n live my life accordin 2 Ur Word oh God..

Search me O God n know my heart,
Try me n noe my anxieties,
N c if there's a wicked way in me,
N lead me in d way everlastin.
Psalms 139: 23-24.

Countdown 2 assignments...

it's now 2.37 am on 11th March 2009. gonna start my work now n do an hourly update of my progress..

im supposed 2 finish:
1. BJ report of 10 pages by tis fri.
2. Shooting by tmrw.
3. Read my PPO tt have 400 pages.so far managed 30 pages d. So 370 pages 2 go.
4. Complete my college application form.

3.45 am - 2pages of BJ. 8 more 2 go..

4.35 am - 1.25 page down. 6.75 more 2 go.

cont later.

time 2 zzzzzzzzz...

gonna wake up in 2.5 hours time n get prepared go shootin..adventurous...

Stung by bug.

Im stung by a poisonous bug n had not been able 2 recover frm it.



D bug have a more scientific name i believe, but i only noe d common term of it, s LAZINESS.



I was stung maybe lik a mth ago *no la, all tis while oso got d toxic in my body, juz tt it nv reali manifested itself so badly till now* n i nv recover frm it till now.



Symptom of it:

1. All I do is sleep, eat,online n watch tv no matter how urgent my assignments r.

2. Procrastination is now my middle name.

3. Im laggin behind every of my coursemate in my work n stil dun feel a thing.

4. Stil bloggin wen im supposed 2 b doin my work now.

5. I hav a midterm tis thurs nite n i stil dunno wat is d subject all about.



Ahem ahem...reali hard 2 recover..but s always, there r many things 2 thx God about.

1. I hav reali hardworkin coursemates lik Lee Peng, Vaani n all d gangs tt incite d kiasu spirit in me 2 start workin on my assignments. muacks...love u guys lots.

2. I dun need 2 teach tuition tmrw nite which mean I can stay in hostel n try 2 do my work.

3. God will carry me thru tis.



So i guess in d end, stung by bug anot, i'll survive!

I noe i can do it!im gonna work lik crazy tis week!

Juz tink my blog is a lil empty without pics..hehe..

so here u guys go!

Physical attraction..

2day, in my BJ class, we were talkin bout how our physical appearance matters wen we appear on screen.

immediately i felt so self conscious. i had always been strugglin 2 love my own appearance. n i realised tt even till 2day, it's not over yet..d struggle is strong within me.

always feel so small n intimidated by girls around me, especially ever since wat happened 2 me last yr. reali gave a blow 2 watever self esteem stil left in me.

im below average..i dunno much bout makin up n lookin pretty.im down 2 earth.im short.im fat.i def dun hav d best figure or look tt kill.nor d best sense of fashion.or best smile.or anythin...i hate c-ing myself in photos especially.

can't help but 2 b envious of those who r born wit stunnin look.or those who r so self assured n knowin how good they look wit all d make up.

i feel insecure..i feel sad tinkin bout my outlook n my personality.i hav more weakness than goodness.how can i love myself?..

i can't..

i praise God 4 His wonderful time of refreshment juz now s i was writin 2 God n emo-ing wit Him.

God noe me inside out n He granted me peace in d midst of all my worries..truly truly, who can add a single hour 2 his life by worryin??..Lord Jesus is d wisest 2 say tis...

Alot of assignment left undone n i gotta admit im being stung by d bug of laziness n indiscipline..haven been stayin focus..

God i need help..help me 2 stay focus in d things I muz do..

All charged up!

Went up 2 Genting past 2 days 4 fun wit church frens - jason, tong how, pei yee, bel, keet n hwei huih.

I reali did enjoyed their company esp wen we played taboo.haha..

Space shot was cool oso!

But i guess, i was a lil emo oso up there s it brought back alot of memories tt i dun wanna recall..

Im ultimately glad i went wit tis bunch of ppl. I wanna create new wonderful memories tt r not associated 2 my past anymo!!

Oh ya, in tis trip i oso get 2 noe tong how better. Im glad bcos we nv reali talked b4 tis. He's reali a pretty easygoin guy. Even got him 2 b my daddy n pei yee my mummy! wakakakka...

Jason is now havin a post holiday blue.LOL.

It's a new day 2day.:) all recharged n no more emo emo time.

Im laggin behind in assignment n i reli need more discipline in d way i use my time.

N i need 2 stay focused.

Im glad i hav God behind me in everythin i do.:)

So now time 2 work reali reali hard tis week n finish up all d work!

All my coursemates n frens busy wit assignment, enjoy it! *i noe tis sound silly but juz try it ok!*

Dilemma..

Wow..there goes another day..



Hmmm..it's not a bad day though..I've been movin all my assignments n most importantly, im goin home 2nite.hooray~~



Im now in a dilemma actually bout my course nite called malam perdana.



D committee is havin problem among themselves n i heard both side of d story.

N now 1 of d side r askin me 2 b an informal MC 4 d nite.

Then they wanna involve me in promotin d nite 2 those who r boikotin d Malam Perdana.



Im not reali sure if i shd b involved, but i reali pity my frens who worked so hard 2 make tis a wonderful nte 4 d 3rd yr who r graduatin soon.



Oh God, help me. Grant me wisdom tt i can help 2 make d nite work n every1 b happy bout it.

Help me not 2 gossip or talk bad bout any1 n b neutral in d whole thing.Help...

HAPPY DAY!

I m so frustrated...wrote a super long post n then internet connection was down n it was all gone..*sob sob*

Im reali happy..
Happy tt it's all over..
D pain, d numbing stab in2 my heart,
Tt haunts me every second of my wakin moment,
D sadness n gloom tt shows out even wen i laughed,
It's over..

I love d song, Big Girls Dun Cry by Fergie,
esp d part tt says,
"It's time 2 b a big girl now, n big girl dun cry!"..
Yup...Big girls won't cry anymo.
My tears r so precious, i won't let it flow anymo without reason!
D only ppl worthy o my tears r those tt won't make me cry!
N i always cherish a lil story Sook Chin told me bout God collectin our tears in a bottle
N how every teardrop matters 2 Him.

D ordeal i been thru past 1 yr will officially b over tis comin 1st of March..
D lingerin stain tt was left will b cleared on tt day..
How i praise God!

Im goin 2 live life 2 d fullest n enjoy every bit of it includin d mountin assignment!

Oh by d way, i noe tis sound typically student......
IM STUCKED WIT 2 MANY FREAKIN ASSIGNMENTS!

P/s- im goin 2 stop bloggin n stop facebookin 4 2 days. Gonna go on a meditation trip 2 finish up freakin assignments tt r s high s Mount Everest now. Crossin finger tt i won't break tis rule.haha!

Im so grateful 4 many things God had given me tis past 2 mths. I grew up alot thru out tis past 2 mths. D hardest time is over n now im healing..im waitin 2 soar high up. Lik a phoenix i always 1ted 2 b..

I was so lost n devastated,

Not understanding, how cld it b?

My world was dark, everythin fell apart.

I hugged myself n tears flowed freely,

I was trapped in a cage i did not 1 2 b,

So painful was d chain tt bound me.



But i stayed on in d cage,

4 i fear wat tt was outside,

Mayb, juz mayb,

It's better 2 b chained,

4 i grew 2 love d cage.



Painful, so painful s d chain got tighter,

i cld not breathe n i was in daze.

Yet i clinged on, harder than ever 2 myself,

No! I dun wanna leave tis cage.



God broke d chain n He dragged me out,

I was reluctant n i was filled wit sadness,

How cld tis b, tt d cage tt been my security,

Is now hurtin me so deeply..so deeply..

Like a child cried over a broken toy,

D loss was so great i cld not comprehend.


My loving gentle Father soothe me,

He wiped away my tears n held me tight,

He washed my wound gently,

N wit d most beautiful voice, i heard Him whisper,



My little princess, my beloved,

I muz do tis 4 ur own good,

B strong my dear,

4 i want u 2 b wat u reali r,

My princess, my lovely princess,

My phoenix,

So strong yet so beautiful...



N s Father spoke,

I saw His tears flow n felt His heartache.



Slow n fearful,

I spread my wings,

I 1ted 2 giv up 4 i noe not how 2 fly anymo,

S time ticks..i learned..



I flew n i soared high,

Only wt d strength by my Father,

I saw wat I reali am..

A child of God Most High,

A beautiful princess,

A phoenix tt is so gentle yet magical,

Not deservin 2 b trapped in d cage..


I now c, though i was blind,

Wit d scar i stil have,

N d wound s reminder,

I soar high,

Prayin 4 strength frm my dear Father,

2 dance d grand dance of a princess,

Choreograph solely 4 me,

4 peace n serenity 2 b strong,

N wit my tears, heal others wound..

NONSENSICAL RANDOM STUFF BOUT ME

I decided 2 list down sum random stuff bout myself juz 4 fun. Let's c where i get.Haha..

Me n food.
1. Healthy food r NOT tasty..Tasty food r NOT healthy.*most of d time la*
2. I lik fast food - KFC, McD, Pizza Hut. Western food lik steak. Love seafood except fish. Fried chicken, Ramli Burger, Indo mee.
3. I LOVE tomyam sotong + rice + telur dadar. Been eatin it 4 almost every dinner since i 1st ate it in my college everytime i stay.
4. Fan of Old Town White Coffee. Esp d nissin noodle n french toast n most recently Polo Bun wit ham n cheese. Not 2 mention their coffee. Generally love their coffee compared 2 Starbucks coffee. Feel tt Starbucks coffee is very creamy.
5. Always eat d same old thing in d same old place n not get bored.
6. Generally dunno how 2 appreciate good food. Taste bud can't reali sense d difference most of d time. Food will stil come out frm ur body d same place end of d day no matter how tasty it's.
7. NOT willin 2 spend much on food.

Me n my body.
1. I love my skin colour n my wrist.
2. I used 2 tink tt height matters, but not reali these days. Dun mind makin fun of myself n exploitin d goodness of being short. Im 148cm by d way.
3. I hate my dark circles n pale lips.
4. I like my cute lil feet though can b a hassle wen lookin 4 shoe n yes, i DO go kids department sumtimes 2 shop 4 sandal or shoe.
5. Can hav bad pimple days wen stressed up or lackin of sleepin.
6. Big arms n thighs.
7. Weight is 44 currently. Nv been tis fat ever since Form 5. I put on 4 kgs within these past 3 mths!HELP!
8. Generally pretty low self esteem s im not pretty or hot. Juz ordinary n more often tt not passed off s a wallpaper tt is there but nv been noticed.


Gonna go dinner now 4 my usual tomyam sotong n rice n telur dadar. Later we cont ah!

D yr of many 1st time!

Good mornin every1! I juz went 4 my 1st jog in UKM or i shd say my 1st personal jog in my life!Hehe..s many of u'll noe, im nv a healthy kind. Im purely contented 2 b a fat cute lil couch potato. :P

But it's now showin on my face. My black circles can't b hidden anymo.:( tt's y 4 d 1st time in my life, now im tryin 2 live a healthier life 2 flush out all d toxic in my body. Ntg big though. Tryin 2 drink more water *i normally survive without water 4 full day* thru out January n i managed 2! Now im drinkin 2 litres of water everyday! tt's 1 1st.

Now im crossin my fingers tt i can keep up wit tis joggin routine. D bed sure feel good wen it's time 2 wake up 2 jog.:P

It's my 1st yr s a single aft 5 long yrs, my 1st time celebratin new yr, CNY n Valentine s a single.
Then my 1st yr in kajang 4 d whole CNY ever since last 5 yrs oso. Past 5 yrs, i've been goin trips. 1st time visited frens hse 4 CNY, 1st time invited frens 2 my hse 4 CNY.Hehe..Oh, n my 1st yr of celebratin my 1st day of CNY not goin 2 my grandfather's hse. Overslept tt mornin. :( 1 of d 1st time im not proud of.

Then my 1st time goin many places. 2 embarassed 2 list down those places though. u guys'll b suprised tt i juz started goin places lik tt. :P lik...Mont Kiara..ok ok, enough revealin.

Neway, it's oso my 1st time in yrs celebratin sook chin's bday. S a matter of fact, i tink i nv celebrated 4 her.hehe...sorry girl, lookin 4ward 4 more!

Then it's my 1st time stayin in uni though i dun hv class d next mornin. Normally, i'll fly home d day i finish class. But not tis yr. Im now in uni though im not havin class 2day.hehe..

Then it's my 1st time bloggin. Im sure u can c im such a freshie, wen every1 is d so tired of bloggin. Sorry la, im always slow 1 ma. Oh of coz, not 2 mention, bein able 2 online frm room in uni since they started havin d wi fi service in whole uni.:)

My 1st time in Astro.hehe..cool.

N my 1st time doin my own film.

N listenin 2 Fly FM. *it's been ages i ever tuned in 2 radio*

*giggle* Juz tot of another 1st time, but tt 1 is 2 personal 2 b told.:P

Juz hopin tt i'll b headin d rite direction wit my many 1st time tis yr.

I 1ted a different good yr ahead n so far, im thxful tt everythin is juz tt. Im glad im achievin more tis yr.:)

Im lookin 4ward 4 my trip up 2 Gentin 2 overnite wit frens 4 d 1st time. I mean, im a frequent goer of Genting, juz tt i nv go there overnite wit frens.

Neway, juz hopin 4 few 1st time lik:-

1. Finish readin d whole Bible 4 d 1st time. Leviticus, im not goin 2 giv up on u!
2. Hopin 2 read more books oso. So far, read Chicken Soup 4 D Soul, a missionary account on Abu Sayyaf n re read Narnia d Last Battle. Tryin 2 read more doctrinal book.
3. Once i manage 2 get d hook on joggin n drinkin alot of water, i'll start cuttin down *not quit ok* on my fast food n tomyam sotong intake. But so far, not plannin 2 do so. Way 2 tasty 2 b given up.
4. Juz 2 spend more time wit family n frens.:)

My emo time..

It's a wonder how wen u came back frm a tired day of class, d rainy weather n physical tiredness'll make ur mood swing all of a sudden n u feel so depressed. Suddenly, it's s though every sound around u sound so loud..all u 1 2 do is retire 2 a quiet place n juz enjoy d serenity of bein alone.. I nv undstood tis wen sum1 last time always tell me tis. But i finally get it.

I came back n had my shower. I obliged 2 my routine of chattin wit my roomy. "i need 2 b alone", my heart says. I told my roomy im goin down 4 my dinner in cafe though i can always ta pau. D moment i reach cafe, i was happy tt i finally can sit down by myself without talkin 2 any1, 2 enjoy a good square meal n juz emo wit God. Alas!there goes sum of my frens tt came n sat down n eat wit me. Wit full courtesy,i sat n there went another round of chat 2 get 2 noe them better. Then they asked me 2 go over 2 their room. Later i say.

It's so hard juz 2 b alone. Ppl tink it's miserable 2 b alone. But i tink we all need sum time alone juz 2 b wit God bcos we so easily missed His presence in our hustle of routine. S d bride tt slept then missed d presence of her Beloved in Songs of Songs, so we need 2 b aware whether we r missin Him s we r so caught up wit ourselves. Wen we missed Him, it's not His loss, but rather, it's ours. Juz s how d bride was overwhelmed wit d smell of her Beloved n d flower after He left, let' us all vow not 2 do d same, 2 leave our Bridegroom wen He knocked on our door.

On another note, i felt a mixture of many emotions 2day, it's drainin me out. I feel guilty 4 treatin a real nice person cruelly, but i noe i muz do it so tt i won't do him n myself any harm. i muz b cruel 2 b kind, cool n indifferent on d surface. Then it brought a trail of thoughts. I felt happy, 2 noe him n 2 noe sum other ppl. Yet, i treated them in a manner tt's bad bcos i wanna protect myself n 2 certain extend, them.

They dun und how much unhappiness i can bring them. They dun get it tt i can hurt them so easily. N i'll hurt them not bcos of their fault, but rather bcos of sum1 else. A shadow or more lik a ghost of my past.

Will i ever b able 2 break tis wall down n sumday trust again?..I dun wanna hurt any1, no..but i noe i will if they get any closer 2 me.

I need 2 b alone..alone so tt i'll hurt no 1..im tired of tryin 2 cast away d dark shadow tt lurks around me n refusin 2 let me go..

i muz put a mask on...4 now..

I can't b d same old Suetnie..

Ppl said tt u r often confused wit wat u reali r we u r a teenager..y do i still feel tt way even now??..guess im juz lik my physical, stil stunted at age of 21 *hey, almost there, stop gigglin*

Im stil findin myself at tis point of time. Still tryin 2 noe who i reali am. Last time i love d song, Stay D Same by Joey. Yet now, wen I listened 2 it these days, i realized, i do not 1 2 b d old Suet Nie. At least not wat i had been 4 d past few yrs.

S i reflected on my past few yrs, i regretted many things.

My passion 4 God was mere lukewarm. Did i worship Him wit zeal? Nop. Did i serve Him s i shd? Nop. Did i read His Word n pray s i shd? Nop.

D time tt i missed out hangin out wit frens, carin 4 my frens, buyin stuff 4 them, hangin out more n chattin more wit my family. I invested my time in2 sumthin else n turned in2 sum1 tt i don't lik 2 look at now.

Did i ever bother 2 rem frens bday? Nop. Did i ever b there wen they r in trouble? Nop. I was fully contented in my own world. Did i go out wit them n spend time wit them wen im busy? Nop.

Wen i look at my assembly, wat hv i done 4 my bros n sis in Christ? Did i serve them wit all my heart s i shd? Nop. I was a taker much more than a giver. I nv care enough other than d shallow hehe haha.. I was personally not sharin anythin 2 them.

D past 1 yr esp hurt me wen i look at my family. Not tt i did anythin wrong 2 them, but i was hurtin myself n i wallow in self pity, not realizin they need me. They need my time, attention n most importantly, my prayers.

I can't n i muz not b d same old suetnie.

I wanna love n care s i shd. 2 b human again rather than d cold, uncarin, selfish nie ppl always known me s. I dun 1 2 b a hypocrite anymo. God, help me..

I HATE BENJAMIN BUTTON!

b4 u start jumpin in protest n decided 2 leave negativ comment on my blog, allow me 2 explain myself.

4 those who dunno bout tis show, tis show is bout benjamin (brad pitt) who was born old n die young. He aged reversedly compared 2 normal human. D storyline is very interestin 2 start wit.

However i had many doubts b4 i watched tis show. I wondered at how they r goin 2 pull it off logically. I mean does tt mean his mum kept an old man in her stomach? How is she goin 2 fit tt old man in her tummy n much more gave birth 2 tis old man?n if tt's d case, is he born wit d wisdom of an old man or he is juz a baby in an old man's body? If he has a wisdom of an old man, does tt mean he'll talk n have lotsa wisdom wen he turn baby??..

But all my douts was unfounded. They pull it off superbly. Though d script can b pretty dry n philosophical sumtimes, it was all made up wit d intense emotion put in by d casts.

U reali hav 2 get in2 d show, 2 feel d depth of love tt a motherly nature lady hav 4 a special child despite other ppl's view n c-ing wat others can't c.

Now 2 d part y i say i hate benjamin button. It was so movin 2 c how d 2 main cast was in love,yet not bein able 2 b 2gether due 2 their circumstances. Their love went thru many things n came out unharmed. N wen they finally get 2gether, it was but lik a meteor, a short yet beautiful love..

I came out frm cinema, feelin sad 4 d unconditional true love tt stand d test of time. I hav nv cried ever since i last watched king kong *sorry, king kong is way 2 cute 2 b killed, my poor baby!*

Tt's y i hate benjamin button! I vow, if i find my true love, i'll reali love him n app it, 4 s tis movie show, it is indeed a privilege if u hv d chance 2 love sum1 n b loved.

P/s - trust me, i nv find brad pitt s handsome. He's juz ok in my eyes. so my view is definitely 1 tt's based on his actin alone n ntg more!

another mundane tots.

Hmmm...gonna watch curious case of benjamin later n wonderin how it's gonna b lik. Pretty excited bout it act.hehe..

Neway,2day a topic keep comin out among my coursemate.. Is brand important wen we buy sumthin??...I personally dun care bout brand n i seems pretty cheapo i guess.

But..no doubt..wit ppl around me gettin all worked up bout their clothes,shoe,bag brands, kinda make me wonder, shd i start carin bout brand??..

Hmm...i still hav no straight answ at tis point of time.Its' pretty subjectiv 4 every1.But i guess 4 now, im happy 2 b a girl who can't c d difference between a Padini shirt n a RM10 pasar malam shirt!*sorry 2 those who feel insulted tt i can't make out d difference!*

neway, gotta get goin. keep u guys updated bout benjamin later!brad pitt,here i come!

It's been a memorable Valentine's Day!

My Valentine have nv been more different than tis yr..4 d past 5 yrs,my Valentine was juz lik any other couple. Tis yr, my Valentine have been a BLAST though in a very different way.

I started my countdown by celebratin wit my bunch of old frens, *u noe who u r* n it was crazily funny s we laughed n talked. Juz hangin around. May sound simple n ntg big, but it is sumthin of big significance 2 me..Y, u ask..hmmm...I'll tell u..

God reali love me. Im so glad 4 tis group of frens n few others tt stick 2 me thru thick n thin ever since i noe them. I gotta admit, im not d best of fren 4 im nv d kind tt keep in touch n i do tend 2 push them aside wen i have so called "more-important-things" 2 do.As I sat there, staring at each of them, each wit their own distinct personality, studies n path, yet truly frens, I can't help tinkin, do I deserve tis frens? I esp felt their love thru out last yr wen i was goin thru difficult period.

I dun hav many frens, neither do i plan 2 hav many hi-bye fren, but God had blessed me wit all these angels in disguise. I love u ppl!

Though im sad tt many of them either already left or leavin soon 2 oversea, they r all written in my heart! N i'll keep them there, safe n secure!

2day, I went Astro 4 sum uni stuff. It was cool n fun. Then I looked at myself n realised how much I had changed. Wen I 1st came in uni, I hate it n I love goin home, everyday! *poor thing my dad gotta pick me up n down, he's truly d best dad* Now, I feel reali grateful 2 God 4 givin me a course tt I like n enjoy doin. I tink im startin 2 feel nostalgic bout UKM already!

Later, im goin 2 church 4 YA n im goin 2 present bout Solomon. God in many ways, tot me bout lovin Him beyond things of d earth, 4 2 Him, He can giv me much better things then wat d world offer thru Solomon. Again, I can't help but thx Him 4 His love beyond degree.

Not to mention my assembly, who had been there 4 me in many ways, uphold me in prayer, teach me more bout God n oso encourage me thru their lives. Oh how blessed!

Great family, great frens, great assembly n above all a GREAT God,how can I say tt im not blessed n loved??...

God gave me more than I prayed 4. I only ask tt He pull me thru Valentine, but He opened my eyes 2 a whole diff dimension of Valentine. How can I thx God enough..Thx U Lord, though im weak, U r mightily strong.

my 1st post on blog!

Hmmm...everyone mz b wonderin wat did it take me tis long 2 act start a blog..2 start wit, i gotta clarify 1 thing, i dun have anythin against blog. I reali do enjoy readin ppl's blog n c how ppl write n tink bout how different they r in real person n in their blog. U oso get 2 noe a person better thru his or her blog. On a lighter note, sumtimes there are interestin pics of food, clothes n places *all d things tt i reali love*

But yeah,back 2 my point. I nv blog bcos i juz tink tt my life is fairly mundane n ordinary tt there is ntg much 2 write bout. Plus d hassle 2 update it every now n then. Im not a good writer unfortunately, so writer block is more of a norm 2 me than a crisis tt happen. :P Neway, so wat make me start bloggin?..

Ntg reali bombastic wit all d lightning stuff or drama watsoever. I juz tot tt i shd juz learn 2 express myself more freely in writin n hopin tt practise make perfect! Or mayb im juz succumbin 2 d peer pressure, since every1 is havin a blog! Juz tot tt no harm done 2 try it out! So which reason 2 b more precise?..i dunno myself..err..sorry, tt's juz me. Blur n complicated. Nite!