Here's sum pics frm my mlm perdana!

For those of u tt actually seen sum pics frm facebook, here's more of me in saree!!:P

Me n guitarist of d nite -Azrul Wandi

Ah yeah,i lik tis pic.hehe..

All d mass comm chinese pretty girls.huhu..nt all la,bt most. Me n yao lin, tis guy is superb in his japanese.

Me n leng luis....poh li n hui er...

A Lil Part Of Him In Me.

I was in Equatorial Bangi 4 my course nite dinner.It was a blast n i was d informal emcee 4 d nite. Was pretty nervous, but got thru it, thx 2 God's blessings n oso His providence of Rosyam Nor *famous malay artist,fwwt* 2 co host wit me 4 awhile. Bt now aft it's all ove, s i look back on tt nite, i realised how much impact he made in my life n how he stil left a mark in me. He shaped me in sum ways 2 b wat im.

Tt nite, wen i was on stage, s i was talkin, i din notice it,bt i was actually talkin n actin s he did wen he's on stage. I emulated him n sumhow, wit tt knowledge, he gav me d confidence 2 emcee well. It is s though he was standin behind me, encouragin me. A shadow of confidence n comfort.

He influenced me so greatly, tt rite now, he's a part of me - who i am, unknowingly. It saddened me so much 2 tink tt tis presence is no longer there n watever i felt tt nite durin dinner was jz a shadow of d past.

He was such a big part of my life. I owe so much 2 him 4 he taught me so many things, though of coz he was nv perfect or always rite. Most importantly, he taught me how 2 love another imperfect person so perfectly.

He left, but he left a lil part of him in me. N i dun tink i can ever shed him off jz lik tt.

Tears wanna flow s i write tis..but i guess ppl move on wit their life..n i wish him all d best..though he'll nv noe tis.

She Will Be Loved

I dun mind standin everyday,
Out in d corner in pourin rain,
N ask her if she wanna stay awhile,
N she will be loved..
N she will be loved..

I was so depressed tis evenin s i was walkin down frm hostel 2 cafe tis evening around 6pm. Rain was pourin n d sound of thunder was so loud, i felt d vibration in my heart. Depressed tt there was no 1 2 care 4 me even wen it was rainin so hard. No 1 tt'll come n bring me thru d rain..i was oso depressed bcos i can't find ppl 2 fetch me 2 d exam hall n oso 2 come back 2 hostel aft exam.Worried tt i'll reach exam hall late n oso worried 4 my safety wen i wait 4 bus at 10.30pm aft exam finish.

I prayed 2 God askin 4 d rain 2 stop so tt i can hitch d bus 2 go exam hall by 7pm.

God is wonderful.

He stopped d rain juz in time aft i finished my dinner.

He provided Joceline, my coursemate, a real kind soul, who let me go 2 her room, linger around wit her,then we went exam hall 2gether wit her senior who fetched us there. Juz wen i was worried bout how 2 go exam hall..

Then aft exam, Joceline asked tt senior 2 fetch me back Zaba.
I was honestly reli touched by Joceline's sincerity n care s a fren.
1.She was afraid i'll b attacked by monkey wen i went find her in her hostel.
2.She was afraid of me tired walkin d long steep stairs of ibu zain 2 find her. She considered askin her fren fetch me juz so tt i dun hv 2 climb d stairs.
3. She actually planned on my behalf n asked d senior fetch me back za ba.
4. She made me felt reli at home wen i was in her room.

Joceline has always been a gentle girl but pretty quiet. But her chatter juz now made me realized she was juz tryin 2 make me feel comfortable. How sweet of her n how nice of d senior oso.

Came back hostel, only 2 hear frm Jaya kor tt d assembly of BTGC prayed 4 my safety. N all my coursemates lik Vaani, Mei Wai, Poh Li n Leesan askin me how was my paper..N calvin n jason.Aunt Kim msged juz 2 ask if i got back safely.

How different my mood is frm 6pm. D love n care frm ppl around me n d encouragements they gave.

Most importantly..God's love n hugs of protection thru out d day n nite.

Truly d girl standin outside in pourin rain, was loved.

N she will be loved.

Bury my head in2 d book.

Lalala~~~

Printed my BJ work tis mornin, passed it up n settled my shootin stuff oso..ahh..sense of saitsfaction frm finishin my assignments.buhuhu~~more 2 come but it's ok..1 day at a time..1 day at a time..

Next thing 2 do is.....revise 4 2nite's exam frm 8.30pm 2 10.30pm..

i love countin down my work progress on my blog..sorry 2 bore u guys..hahha...but it's a fascination..

1:19 pm - tk shower!

2:07pm - start chapter 2 pg 37 of PPO.

3:24pm - pg 44??..no way..no more distraction!

cont countdown on assignments..

1:05 am 11 March 2009 - cont my BJ.

2:15am - 5.5 pages 2 go..

3:09 am - ops..busy chattin wit Soo Ann..slowed down. 5 pages 2 go..

4:27 am - lookin 4 sum blog deco. 3 pages 2 go..

5:09 am- brain jam..been scrollin ntg online..stil 3 pages 2 go..

6.31am - finished BJ already!YES!

Meditation on Ezra

I nv seems 2 b able 2 finish readin d old testament esp wit all d names n geneologies of who is whose son...always find d old testament a challengin thing.im only familiar wit genesis, jonah n esther.n half of exodus n bit of 1st samuel n 2nd samuel.n bit of psalms n proverbs..basically, i noe bit of here n there..but i reli feel lik changin it tis yr bcos s ppl said, there is no easy way out 2 noe God n d best way is obviously 2 read d bible. SO anyway, enuff said, 2day i read Ezra in 1 sittin while eatin roti murtabak n drink nescafe. A book tt i nv reli read n i dunno wat went on in it.

I found it so amazin n fascinatin s i read it. Ezra was a book of victory, but not d victory of mankind, but rather d victory of a glorious God tt use mankind s His instrument. It was wonderful 2 read bout how d temple of God was restored n most importantly d faith of God's children restored. It was great readin of d repentance of a whole nation tt renew their pledge 2 b obedient 2 God. Christ rejoiced over 1 lost child, wat more d whole congregation of Israel. Wat joy it muz hav been 2 God. We muz learn of how much it pains God wen we live in disobedience n how much God rejoiced wen we follow Him. We r so not worthy of tt trust n hope God given us, but all these r only possible bcos of our Lord Jesus Christ!

But it is important tt we noticed, without God's powerful hand of intervence, d rebuildin of God's temple was not possible. It is a precious reminder 2 us tt in our service 2 God, we can't go far if we r not relyin on God's protection frm d evil ones n God's power. It'll only b matter of time b4 we lose sight of our mission. Juz s Mary choose 2 sit at d feet of our Lord Jesus Christ n choose wat tt was important - 2 listen 2 our Lord, we shd do juz tt n b careful lest we fall in2 d trap of servin without worship. It's 1 of Satan's famous plan, tt's 2 keep us busy wit service, we lose our focus on Christ.

It amazed me tt God can use any1 2 move n do things d way He planned. God put forth in Isaiah a prophecy tt He will use Cyrus d king in His plan 200 yrs b4 Cyrus was born!God used d non believer kings in His plan 2 rebuild His temple. Look at d extend which d Gentile kings were willin 2 go in rebuildin d temple n u'll find tt there is no motivation 4 them 2 do so, except d fact tt God was behind it all. ( Ezra 1:2-8 n 6:3 - 12)

Alas, we muz rem, tt d devil is constantly prowling for victim. D more we stick close 2 God, d more d devil will try all his might 2 stop us. Ntg scares d devil more than a Christian walkin in d light of God. Wen God was restorin d temple 2 its splendor, enemies tried 2 stop it frm happened. But wat an assurance we hav, tt if it is d Lord's will, no matter wat we face, things will still work out in d end.

1 thing struck me oso. Wen i read till Ezra 9 n 10, i was reli caught by d focus tt d whole Israel hav in obedience 2 God. They grieved wen they found out tt they disobeyed d Lord by marryin those frm d other lands. Without tinkin, they knew it is d rite thing 2 do 2 put away all these wives n those who have been born 2 them (Ezra 10:3) I was bothered bcos bein a very nostalgic n a person tt put relationships of high priority, can i do d same if im in d Israelites shoe?i sumhow feel tt i can't. Im 2 emotionally weak 2 b so clear minded. I muz learn 2 fix my eyes on Lord Jesus Christ ( Hebrews 12:1-3) n follow Ezra's example in chapter 7 vs 10 : For Ezra has prepared his heart 2 seek d law of d Lord, n 2 do it, n 2 teach statutes n ordinances in Israel. We muz learn not 2 tolerate sin n grieved wen we fall. All these muz go beyond d emotional level of guilt, but instead shd lead 2 overflowin in worship of God's grace n action 2 stay away frm sin.

So much more can we learn frm His Word. May i glean n sift thru ur Word carefully n live my life accordin 2 Ur Word oh God..

Search me O God n know my heart,
Try me n noe my anxieties,
N c if there's a wicked way in me,
N lead me in d way everlastin.
Psalms 139: 23-24.

Countdown 2 assignments...

it's now 2.37 am on 11th March 2009. gonna start my work now n do an hourly update of my progress..

im supposed 2 finish:
1. BJ report of 10 pages by tis fri.
2. Shooting by tmrw.
3. Read my PPO tt have 400 pages.so far managed 30 pages d. So 370 pages 2 go.
4. Complete my college application form.

3.45 am - 2pages of BJ. 8 more 2 go..

4.35 am - 1.25 page down. 6.75 more 2 go.

cont later.

time 2 zzzzzzzzz...

gonna wake up in 2.5 hours time n get prepared go shootin..adventurous...

Stung by bug.

Im stung by a poisonous bug n had not been able 2 recover frm it.



D bug have a more scientific name i believe, but i only noe d common term of it, s LAZINESS.



I was stung maybe lik a mth ago *no la, all tis while oso got d toxic in my body, juz tt it nv reali manifested itself so badly till now* n i nv recover frm it till now.



Symptom of it:

1. All I do is sleep, eat,online n watch tv no matter how urgent my assignments r.

2. Procrastination is now my middle name.

3. Im laggin behind every of my coursemate in my work n stil dun feel a thing.

4. Stil bloggin wen im supposed 2 b doin my work now.

5. I hav a midterm tis thurs nite n i stil dunno wat is d subject all about.



Ahem ahem...reali hard 2 recover..but s always, there r many things 2 thx God about.

1. I hav reali hardworkin coursemates lik Lee Peng, Vaani n all d gangs tt incite d kiasu spirit in me 2 start workin on my assignments. muacks...love u guys lots.

2. I dun need 2 teach tuition tmrw nite which mean I can stay in hostel n try 2 do my work.

3. God will carry me thru tis.



So i guess in d end, stung by bug anot, i'll survive!

I noe i can do it!im gonna work lik crazy tis week!

Juz tink my blog is a lil empty without pics..hehe..

so here u guys go!

Physical attraction..

2day, in my BJ class, we were talkin bout how our physical appearance matters wen we appear on screen.

immediately i felt so self conscious. i had always been strugglin 2 love my own appearance. n i realised tt even till 2day, it's not over yet..d struggle is strong within me.

always feel so small n intimidated by girls around me, especially ever since wat happened 2 me last yr. reali gave a blow 2 watever self esteem stil left in me.

im below average..i dunno much bout makin up n lookin pretty.im down 2 earth.im short.im fat.i def dun hav d best figure or look tt kill.nor d best sense of fashion.or best smile.or anythin...i hate c-ing myself in photos especially.

can't help but 2 b envious of those who r born wit stunnin look.or those who r so self assured n knowin how good they look wit all d make up.

i feel insecure..i feel sad tinkin bout my outlook n my personality.i hav more weakness than goodness.how can i love myself?..

i can't..

i praise God 4 His wonderful time of refreshment juz now s i was writin 2 God n emo-ing wit Him.

God noe me inside out n He granted me peace in d midst of all my worries..truly truly, who can add a single hour 2 his life by worryin??..Lord Jesus is d wisest 2 say tis...

Alot of assignment left undone n i gotta admit im being stung by d bug of laziness n indiscipline..haven been stayin focus..

God i need help..help me 2 stay focus in d things I muz do..

All charged up!

Went up 2 Genting past 2 days 4 fun wit church frens - jason, tong how, pei yee, bel, keet n hwei huih.

I reali did enjoyed their company esp wen we played taboo.haha..

Space shot was cool oso!

But i guess, i was a lil emo oso up there s it brought back alot of memories tt i dun wanna recall..

Im ultimately glad i went wit tis bunch of ppl. I wanna create new wonderful memories tt r not associated 2 my past anymo!!

Oh ya, in tis trip i oso get 2 noe tong how better. Im glad bcos we nv reali talked b4 tis. He's reali a pretty easygoin guy. Even got him 2 b my daddy n pei yee my mummy! wakakakka...

Jason is now havin a post holiday blue.LOL.

It's a new day 2day.:) all recharged n no more emo emo time.

Im laggin behind in assignment n i reli need more discipline in d way i use my time.

N i need 2 stay focused.

Im glad i hav God behind me in everythin i do.:)

So now time 2 work reali reali hard tis week n finish up all d work!

All my coursemates n frens busy wit assignment, enjoy it! *i noe tis sound silly but juz try it ok!*