Feel the Nails by Ray Boltz

Disclaimer : Just because I am sharing this song does not mean i condone the singer's lifestyle. :)

1st verse
They tell me Jesus died
For my transgressions
That he paid that price a long, long time ago
When he gave his life for me
On a hill called Calvary
But there's something else I want to know

Chorus
Does he still feel the nails
Every time I fail
Can he hear the crowd cry "Crucify" again
Am I causing him pain
Then I know I've got to change
I just can't bear the thought of hurting him.

2nd verse
It seems that I'm so good at breaking promises
And I treat his precious grace so carelessly
But each time he forgives
What if he re-lives
The agony He felt on that tree

Chorus 1x

Holy, holy
Holy is the Lord
Holy Holy
Holy is the Lord

Do you still feel the nails
Every time I fail
Have I crucified you Jesus with my sins
Oh I'm tired of playing games
I really want to change
I never want to hurt you again

Holy, Holy
Holy is the Lord
Holy, Holy
Holy is the Lord

Something bizarre

Last night, I was sleeping in the hall's couch when I was awakened by loud bang (seriously loud) at 4 a.m. My first reaction was to check on my family. So I ran upstairs only to be met by my dad, asking me what the noise was, and i said i have no idea. Then I went downstairs to check on my mum and my bro, only to find them both in my bro's room shouting at somebody at our backyard.

That somebody turned out to be a man, around 30 plus or so, throwing things at our backyard wall (vase and what not- source of the loud bang) and not only that, he was shouting at my house. Was definitely perplexed. I went upstairs, and found my father shouting from upstairs at this particular man ( HOI!!! HOI!!! )

The noise was so loud, it awakened my neighbors. Apparently he wasn't only throwing things at my backyard, but also our neighbor house. My brother kept shouting at him from inside the house and I kept telling him to not provoke the man (was kinda guessing he is running amok).

The scariest part was when he went off from my backyard and went to the front yard instead and start throwing things into our house and neighbor's house. My father wanted to go out, but i insisted that he stay inside the house as I am afraid he might harm my dad. But of course my dad's main concern was that this guy will break our cars mirrors or damage our cars with the things he threw.

My brother went out from the house and to cut the long story short, with a couple neighbors, overpowered him. They shouted at him and asked him what was all the throwing for. Apparently he was looking for his wife who is sleeping with another man in house number 31 (my house number is 29 by the way).

But we can smell strong stench of alcohol and he insisted his wife is in my neighbor's house, when my neighbor knows nothing. My neighbors were all s angry, they beat him then they let him go.

Then he walked off and still wandering around my street, mumbling and apparently still looking for his wife. My family and neighbors all stood there for about 1/2 hour after that on the streets just observing him and see what he will do. Soon enough, he disappeared and we have no idea where he is.

From what we gathered, apparently he created havoc at the "jalan" before my "jalan" too. And he climbed many people's house backyard ( my house as well ).

It was seriously traumatic. He threw metal rod into my house backyard. Dad's car also suffered scratches as he threw plastic pots into my house with all the muds.

Whole commotion ended by 5 a.m.

Through out the whole time, I was really hanging on to God and praying hard.

I can't praise God enough for a couple of things.

1. He protected everyone. No one was injured.

2. None of the windows and anyone's car was damaged.

3. For the spirit of oneness among my neighbors.

- This is heart warming when you see, how everyone come together and stood together through out the ordeal. They watched over each other's back and everyone is asking everyone if everyone is ok irregardless of everyone's race and background. (hehe, i love the rhyme)

My heart was still pounding when I go to sleep and until now, I can still feel the fear, but what made me slept well last night was this verses that kept ringing in my mind. I kept reciting it until I fall asleep. :) Thank you Lord.

Psalms 121:

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
² My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

³ He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

⁷ The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
⁸ the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

One Last Cry

Raindrops + emo song = mellow and emo mood. :) Here i present - One Last Cry by Brian McKnight.

My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands, standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone wishing all my feeling was gone
I gave my best to you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry
Chorus:
One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I’ve gotta put you outta my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I’m down to my last cry

Cry......
I was here, you were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone, wishing all my feeling was gone
Gotta get over you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

Chorus:
One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I’ve gotta put you outta my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I know I gotta be strong
Cause round me life goes on and on and on
And on.....

I’m gonna dry my eyesRight after I had my
One last cry

Chorus:
One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I’ve gotta put you outta my mind for the very last time
Been living a lie
I guess I’m down
I guess I’m down
I guess I’m down...
To my last cry...

Oh on another note, here you go for the picture of the pig that i promised!

December the 1st

Haiz everyone. Sorry for not updating.

Here is a note to thank all who wished me on my birthday. :) This birthday celebration was more quiet and peaceful. In fact i think it was one of the best birthday i ever had. So many touching incidents for this time.

a) Miss Chin Pei Ling who bothered to organise the very 1st birthday party in 21st century and asked people like Christine, Weng Keet and Calvin along. ( and oh, it was a joint birthday celebration with Christine!). One thing about Miss Chin Pei Ling, she never failed to remember my birthday. Every year, small or big, she definitely will celebrate with me. She is such a lovely sister that I can't stop thanking God for her presence in my life. :)

b) On the day of my birthday, i celebrated in Kepong together with my cousins. My cousin Suet Cheng was more than eager to have me there. Her excitement when she knew I am comin make me feel so loved. It was very sweet of Suet Mei who insisted that I go to Kepong though she lost some precious hours of studying for her SPM because of me.

c) My serious face Uncle who is a primary school "penolong kanan of guru besar" ( just to let u imagine how serious he can be ) actually sang for me loud and clear birthday song. Sucha gesture from him is so touching.

d) On the night of fellowship dinner, Mr Chin Liang gave me a self made pig from tissues and balloon. I knew that it required alot of efforts into it and time. I am also touched that he actually take my word to heart when i said i wanted that self made pig and jokingly asked him to make me one. Pictures on that lovely pig later!

e) My boss a.k.a lecturer Dr Chang actually knew it was my birthday and he wished me. So touched. Simple gesture that is much appreciated from a good boss!

f) Miss Lau Cheng Cheng who actually called from Rusia just to wish me.

I am tearing up just thinkin of all these.All these only serve to remind me how warmed I am and how well loved I am. I am blessed. Blessed with good family, friends and assembly. I can't thank God enough. I just don't deserve all these.

THANK YOU LORD.

Happy December everyone. May this month be a fruitful and blessed month! :)

Some thoughts.

In our lives, im sure all of us have people whom we are close to.

You know, people that you always hang out with.

People that you find when you are in need of advice.

People that you always buy things for and all.

It's what we call our "inner circle" of friends.

They make us feel warm and that we belonged somewhere.

But..

There are certain times in life, when you want to be close to someone,

But that someone just never accept it, probably due to some issues of past or maybe that person is prejudiced for some reasons.

It can be pretty crushing you know.

To be judged for your past and not for who you are.

Guess some stains can never be clean.

But let me tell you this,

Just because someone does not make you their priority list, it does not mean that you have to stop making them your priority.

Keep trying. The Lord was rejected time and time, He endured it all. No servant is greater than the Master.

A new month.

Well November is here!

Each new month that comes always remind me that, the Lord had just granted me another month of life to make a difference on Earth.

It's almost the sunset of 2010, 2011 is beckoning at the horizon.

It's been a year of DECISIONS to me. And this year, am glad to say, change me in so many ways.

Many ups such as my internship, my graduation, my commencement of Masters studies, working, and went to Sabah.

The down side, my dad's admission to hospital and many others that are too private to mentioned that are tough, wonderful and humbling lessons from the Lord.

But u noe, i think what i carry in my memories are less of events and happenings.

What remains in my small tiny finite brains are footprints that people leave in my heart.

The things my loved ones said, the laughters, the encouragement, the rebuke.

Many had make a difference in my life. This month as i step into 22nd year of my life, i wanna thank each of u for the wonderful footprints u left in my heart. U know who u r.

I believe

I believe for every drop of rain that falls,
A flower grows,
I believe that somewhere in the darkest night,
A candle glows.
I believe for everyone who goes astray,
Someone will come to show the way.
I believe,
I believe.

I believe above the storm the smallest prayer,
Will still be heard.
I believe that someone in the great somewhere,
Hears every word.
Every time I hear a new born baby cry,
Or touch a leaf or see the sky.
Then I know why,
I believe.

Every time I hear a new born baby cry,
Or touch a leaf or see the sky.
Then I know why,
I believe.

THIS IS A SONG THAT I HEARD AND IT RINGS SO TRUE IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW. SINGER OF THIS SONG IS CONNIE TALBOT, A YOUNG KID WHO IS A RARE GEM IN D WORLD OF SINGING.

LORD, I BELIEVE....

Multitasking

I was on FB on Tuesday and my friend, Miss CPL tagged me on a note about multitasking. Thanks a bunch. I was truly humbled by the note and how much my life is affected by multitasking.



I have always pride myself as a good multitasker n im sure many of you feel the same way. After all, how can we not multitask in this fast pace world right?



Like listening to songs + doin assignments + chatting on phone/messenger/fb or sms.



When im online, i will be on google finding infos + reading + chatting + updating FB + downloading things + check mail. I think i open at least 3 tabs each time im online.



At home, i will be reading book/newspaper/eating + sms + watching TV + talking to family members.



Even when waiting for train/bus/my dad to fetch me, i def will read + sms + listen to music.



Well, i can go on and on how one can multitask, but that is not the point. What struck me when i examine my own life is how much multitasking can affect one's life to the extend that it make our life so shallow and meaningless.



My heart is never where my body is. I am always thinking about doing something else and ever restless, ever rushing and ever thinking where I am headed next.



I often write with short forms even when i don't need to because it saves time. ( cheryl jie is gonna jump in agreement to this, i know. :D )



I want to finish all my work as soon as possible and i try to do more than 1 work at the time to be efficient but in the end, trust me, i take double the time and the quality is half as good.



You know, it can even sap into how I relate to God and people.



I read as many books as i can regarding Christianity in a go, i read the Bible in a chunk and keeping prayers, all at the same time. When I am praying, sometimes, I am not really there.



I realised that i also multitask when it comes to loved ones around me. I try to keep in touch with all and chat with all and keepin updated with all. Facebook of course make this much easier. But at the end of the day, other than the shallowness of knowing the basic stuffs, do i really know what is going on in their lives? Do i really listen and take to heart what they tell me?



I am humbled. I no longer want to be a multitasker.



For a start, I want to learn to read small portion of Bible and really concentrate on it.



When I talk to people, I want to do nothing but talking and listening to them. I will put my phone aside and not let my mind wander. I want to concentrate on building relationships and not mere shallow relationships.



I will do my assignment one at a time.



I will do away with my earphone while I am reading.

I will read and think through what i read. I don't care if I am finishing the book slow.

As Paul put it, I am going to put it into practise - WORK AT EVERYTHING WITH ALL YOUR HEART AS WORKING UNTO THE LORD.

I will take the challenge from Jim Elliot - TO BE 100% WHERE I REALLY AM.

P/s - Cheryl Jie, i shall write my blog in full words now. No more shortcuts.:D

HAIZ

Hurm....Not doing enough.

Been stung by the bee of laziness.

Suetnie, move move!!! Keep going!!!!!!

Little things in life

As I sit here and write, i can't help but to thx God for such a blessed life. Aunt Kim's lesson for the Sunday School children about thxfulness stuck in my mind. ( Yup, as i serve, even i am reminded of many things, such is the wonder of God's service ).

I admit,i dun have the most happening life. Im not a girl who turns head around and some1 that every1 will go hoohaa over...I may not be smart, I may not be rich, I may have the most boring life you can ever imagine.

But yet, I will not trade my life for anyone's life because....

1. I know a God who will never leave me, who accepts me as I am and love me so much that His grace is all sufficient.

2. I have the coolest daddy and mummy in the world. They understand me, completely support me, listen to me, and care for me the best way they could. They had always been such pillar of strength, and someone that I run to in times of need, and they think the world of their daughter though I dun deserve it as I am not the best daughter in the world.

3. I have two brothers who are very unique in their own way. One never hesitate to drive me anywhere as long as he can. Another one never hesitate to borrow me money should I need it. They care for me in their own subtle ways. Love them so much.

4. I have a great assembly of Christians who in everyway showed that they cared, prayed and loved me much as I don't deserve their love. People who cared dearly for me is too many to tell here. But they are always deep in my heart. Aunt Kim, Weng Keet, Pei Ling, Pei Yee, Suguna, Cheryl Jie, Guna Kor, they are some of the dear ones that cross my mind now.

5. I have friends who don't mind even if I don't keep in touch with them and yet when I see them, we can talk as though there is no end to the conversation. Miss Hui Hsien and Cheng Cheng are just some of the examples. Not to mention people like Joann Lee, Yik Ling, Valene Lam, Xian Shi and Kirsten.

6. I have coursemates who turned out to be my best buddies. Vaani, Kogi, Anne Cheah, Leesan Chong, Jingjing Liew especially left a deep footprints in my heart. They shared laughters, moments of distress and even till now, the friendship never end.

5. I may not be the smart, but by God's grace, I am now takin Masters in UKM. It took me overall fees of about RM 17,000 since my Form 6 to reach this stage. How can I thx God enough for the privilege to do this. Only by His grace that I am where I am.

6. I am such a blur girl, but in His amazing wonder and providence, my supervisor in university, Kak Gee, looked to me and she is happy with my progress. Her encouragement spoke volumes to my heart and I am so thxful for her guidance. She is the best that I can ask for a supervisor.

7. Since I started Masters, I have been offered a job as research assistant by Dr Chang who gave me chance to work on project basis and he had been such an understanding employer. I learnt so much in the process of working. Oh D Lord's wonderful provision. :D

8. Kak Gee has offered me to work with her on contract basic. But things will only be confirmed after raya break. But the fact that she even think about making me her research assistant make me feel so privileged.

9. I have wonderful coursemates for Masters. People like Jo Hou and Anatta Lee ( Facebook names, LOL ) had been so hounded by me but they never complained and they always helped me whenever I have any questions or enquiries. They are so cute and humorous in their own ways that I am so grateful that they are taking Masters. Not to mention Zee and Emy and Krish whom im so comfortable with and inspired me with their hardworking attitude and maturity.

10. I knew so many new friends recently who are takin Masters with me. They are ALL nice people and wonderful people to talk to. Their humble attitude and their jovial ways though they have such vast experience working or they are PhD students taught me alot.

11. I may not be the pretty girl and I may not be good in dressing up or make up, but I have God and people who love me just the way I am and I look just fine in their eyes. :)

I can write on and on.....But I will stop here and sum it only wit three words....

THANK YOU LORD

If Only

10th grade - As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me.
She was my so called "best friend".
I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine.
But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it.
After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her.
She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

11th grade - The phone rang. On the other end, it was her.
She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart.
She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did.
As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine.
After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Senior year - The day before prom she walked to my locker. My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did.
Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step.
I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes.
I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it.
Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Graduation Day - A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day.
I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma.
I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it.
Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

A Few Years Later - Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now.
I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man.
I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it.
But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!".
She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek.
I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Funeral - Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend".
At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me!
`I wish I did too...` I thought to my self, and I cried.

P/s - just an amusing note tt i got from my fren's FB. :) Hope u enjoyed it.

Dear you...

Dear you,

I noe how sum times,
Life can seems 2 go down hill,
Even wit d Lord's hands,
We frail humans feel tired of d struggles in tis world.

Needless 4 me 2 tell u,
How d Lord is Almighty, All Sufficient,
It is my prayer tt u'll find rest in Him in times lik these...

Even s sumtimes u might tink u r insignificant,
Sumtimes u feel tt u r replacable,
I wanna tell u tis...

From the heart,
U r nt replacable in my heart.
Bcos u r unique, d one n only,
tt d Lord had created tis way.

D way u smile, ur laughter,
Ur passion s u play d piano,
D way u care subtly n easily,
Ur unpretentious ways...

D memories we shared, may not seems much 2 u,
But i can't tell u how immensely im grateful for u.

U had been a dear sister in Christ,
But most importantly, thx u...
For bein u...

*hugs*

1st September

A new month...

A new start...

Dear Lord, guide me...

May tis b a good month ahead..

Oh yeah, recently addicted 2 Michael Jackson's old song, Gone Too Soon

Tragic, how it speaks about him...

"Gone Too Soon"

Like A Comet

Blazing 'Cross The Evening Sky

Gone Too Soon

Like A Rainbow

Fading

In The Twinkling Of An Eye

Gone Too Soon

Shiny And Sparkly

And Splendidly Bright

Here One Day

Gone One Night

Like The Loss Of Sunlight

On A Cloudy Afternoon

Gone Too Soon

Like A Castle

Built Upon A Sandy Beach

Gone Too Soon

Like A Perfect Flower

That Is Just Beyond Your Reach

Gone Too Soon

Born To Amuse,

To Inspire, To Delight

Here One Day

Gone One Night

Like A Sunset

Dying With The Rising Of The Moon

Gone Too Soon

Gone Too Soon

Time reali flies...

Anyone can b here, gone tmrw..

Appreciate Your Loved Ones..

wat does independence day mean 2 me...

Tmrw is National Day. National Day do mean alot 2 me other than d fact tt it is a public holiday....

I rem last 2 yrs, i went 2 Universiti Utara Malaysia 4 debat perpaduan and durin 1 of d free time, they showed tis movie called Hati Malaya 1957. I cried watchin tt show, bcos it reli touches my heart. D struggles of independence by the heroes of our countries.

However i noe, learnin history can sumtimes b fabricated, 4getting sum ppl tt's important in d process..Mayb not everyone who contributed 2 d country's independence was acknowledged n sum mayb 4gotten by history. Bcos i noe independence is not d effort of one person. But a group of unsung heroes who cared enough 2 make a difference.

I reali thx all these warriors 4 setting us free from imperialism. Whether d ones mentioned alwiz lik Tunku Abdul Rahman, Tan Cheng Lock, Onn Jaafar, Tun Sambathan or those tt was nv mentioned. Thx u. It is 4 wat u fought, tt i can live in such a beautiful country n b called citizen of Malaysia.

Yes..I admit our country is nt perfect, far from it in fact. many things still need 2 b improved especially wen it comes 2 d security, d life of those livin in poverty, racism, public transportation, political issues n many others. But i noe, slowly but surely, no matter hw small d step is, we surely r movin 4ward.

Im glad 2 b in tis country, where i can make frens wit any1 frm any race n nt find it sumthin mind blowin. Im glad 2 maintain my identity s a Chinese, yet in every way, proud 2 speak english n Malay.

Tis country is free from natural disasters such as earthquakes, volcanoes n all.

We r one of d most developed 3rd World couuntry.

We hav great variety of food. Try askin ppl who go overseas 4 sumtime lik Suguna or Abg Sly or Cheng Cheng. They def can und tis.

Im glad bcos im given a proper chance 2 education here eventhough im not rich. Education is affordable here. Im proud 2 b a UKM public university student, though of cos, it is not without its flaw.

Im 22 tis yr. It means d next election i can vote 2 make my voice heard. Im not passionate politically wit all d back biting, gossips n trivial matters. But i noe it is d responsiblity i mz hav s a citizen 2 b alert on wat is goin on n make d rite vote though it may oni b 1 vote.

I don't want 2 disappoint d leaders of past. Most importantly, i abide by d rule of tis country bcos of the Number 1 principle in Rukunegara : Kepercayaan Kpd Tuhan

Dear Lord, thx U so much 4 givin us tis wonderful country, n all tt is in it. Thx U tt im part of tis nation.I pray 4 d leaders of tis countries tt they will b able 2 rule wisely n use all resources wisely given 2 them from You. I noe You made them leaders 4 a reason n i pray n ask tt U will help me 2 respect d authorities n obey s long s it is in Your will. Protect d nations n may Your blessings continue. Pray also 4 all d uprising leaders in mouldin nw, tt U will guide all of us 2 b proper citizen of Malaysia.

Praying hard

My daddy will b in Institut Jantung Negara 2day until Friday.

Have 2 go thru heart operation in order to put a defribilator in his heart so tt if he has a case of sudden heart attack, d defribilator will trigger back d electrical impulse in order 2 restart d heart.

He hav 2 do tis operation bcos doc said tt his ECG readin is irregular n aft tt they discovered tt his heart muscles are weakenin n sum are even dying.He cld hav sudden death if he dun do it.

It's simple operation, oni 2 hrs. But heart aches bcos in my life, tis is d 1st time sum1 so dear 2 me hav 2 do a major surgery....:(

Prayin hard tt daddy will b ok. Missin him already....

Dear Lord

D Lord God Almighty who carried me thru d difficult times, can help me thru tis time oso. Grant me a childlike faith.



Bcos God is sovereign over all n i noe me being on bended knees, can do so much more than my feeble hands tryin 2 control things beyond my power.



But Oh Lord, help me 2 believe n help me 2 c tt U will do jz wat U said. Help me in my unbelief.



All pics courtesy of Google. :)

This may sound cheesy, but......

Hey u...

Receiving a bookmark frm u yest n readin d simple msg, u dunno how much it reli warmed my heart. D words u wrote, touched me s i noe u cared...

Then i recalled back our frenship over the yrs...I remembered knowin u thru Ling. U were alwiz so serious lookin n intimidatin.

Then wen i came 2 church, we were in d same class. Found u to b such a quiet person n very dilligent. I stil rem hw my 1st impression on u was tt this girl is so hardworkin s i heard bout hw smart u r n all frm Ling *trust me, she looked up to u.hoho*

N due 2 sum incident, *let's nt mention it here, :P * u were angry wit me. So i was afraid 2 even go near u. :P

Then lo n behold, our frenship sparkle started wen u msged me 4 d very 1st time bcos we had similar issue back then...*tt was lik yrs n yrs ago wen we were bot in YP.*

Over d yrs, i seen u struggle thru things, u shared wit me so many things n i had privilege 2 noe many things first hand frm u, n 4 tt im so grateful wit d trust. :)

U were such strong lady wen goin thru so many things - a testimony 2 me tt God's strength is sufficient...

Wen i was down 2 d pit, u were there, not emo-ing wit me but more lik a companion who prayed 4 me, who cared 4 me, stand by my side. N i rem wen u came over n said, "here is a gift 4 u 2 cheer u up".

U r nt a girl of much words, which is y i noe tt everythin u did, it came frm ur heart.

Thx 4 bein such a great sis. I thx d Lord for u r indeed a gift frm Him 2 me.
Over d yrs, u had been so faithful 2 Him n seeing tt u r movin in2 a new phase of ur workin life excites me very much. N here, frm my heart, i pray tt d Lord will keep u faithful 2 Him all thru ur life.

I love uuuuu~~~

P/s - jz 2 steal ur line - this may sound cheesy but NOOO!!:)

Dear you....

Dear you....

today i was talkin to our old collegue in Traxx n i was askin him bout the new intern. Apparently d new intern is bein very quiet, ntg much n jz doin her work...

i was flabbergasted s i wondered, how can it be?????she is missin all d fun in Traxx...

Then i realised sumthin....

Tt ur presence made a world of difference...

U noe u cld hav been a nitemare, terrible, horrible experience of mine, but u were every bit d opposite...

U cld hav been very "kiasu" alwiz "rebut" work wit me. But nop. U complemented me n worked 2gether n alongside wit me, helpin me wen i need help...givin opinions n nv criticising...

Or very lazy while i do all d work, but nop, u alwiz ask if i need help n initiated work...

U cld hav been very stuck up n hav mood swings, but nop...every mornin i reach office, u will smile *albeit d sleepy look :P* n u were very trustin wit me - a privilege indeed.

U cld hav been uncarin n selfish, but u walked wit me in rain, made police report wit me, teman me everywhere, listened 2 me *blab n blab n blab all da time, how u stand me is a mystery* n shared everythin wit me, never once holdin back...

U made my internship days a blast n a whole lot of difference.

U r a great fren n i can't tell how much im indebted for d good times we had.

I thx God for u~

I love n miss ya~~~


P/s - last emo post from me ok! dun wish for more. :P now blah~

SELF CENTEREDNESS

D world encourage us 2 b self centered...Even technologies...

It is all bout me me me.

My facebook status whereby i tell d world wat i feel n wat im up to...

My blog where it's all bout me n wat i tink..

We r taught to get our personal identity in tis world. We r taught 2 b outstandin in our own ways....

We r taught to love ourselves above all...

I am guilty s charged. In fact, i tink im one of the avid follower of tis thing called - SELFISHNESS.

It's time 2 stop tis. U noe y?

Because...s we dance d dance in d stage of d world, d moment u stop performin, d world will jz boo u off d stage. There is no point pleasin d world.

D Lord, is d One audience, who will nv stop watchin us s we perform in tis world. In fact He have d best dance He 1 us 2 dance. He 1 us 2 dance accordin 2 His ways, oni bcos He noes wat is d best 4 us.

N He love us best wen we r nt performing...

We dun hav 2 focus on hw ppl look at our dance, we dun hav 2 noe whether we r wearin d rite costume, d rite mask or anythin...Our dance shd b a musing frm heart, out of worship for D Lord. n He will nv boo us. He wil teach n guide us...

When our feet hurts frm dancin, n we dun und His choreography, we noe He will guide slowly...but surely....

N u noe y u dun hav 2 b self centered? bcos d world stage is so big tt ever1 can earn his or her spot...u dun need 2 b in d limelight all da time...

Jz dance ur heart out for d Lord.

FINALLY~~

Hi everyone.

I am so sorry tt i haven been updatin tis blog for so long. In a way i tink it is more or less a dead blog. LOL. Malas la.

Anyway, lemme story2 to all of u wat happened since my internship.

Well, i had a great time at TraxxFM, learnin all tt i cld in tt 2 mths. It was a great learnin opportunities. I can't thank d Lord enough for His help n blessing thru out tt 2 mths of internship.

Special thx 2 Kak Mareaty, Kak Linda, Mad, Otto n Eric who made my days s well s taught me alot in every aspects as well as to the faithful DJs who r ever frenly lik Roundhead, Double DD, Priscilla, Mary, Fadhil. It was great tt all of u nv treated me s a mere intern, but u all oso treat me s sum1 who u guys can make fun n talk 2. Thx alot....

Kak Mareaty 4 ur smile, sincerity n humor.

Kak Linda for ur singin n bubbly attitude. S well s 4 times of fetchin me thru n forth work.

Mad for lettin me d chance to work along wit u n so patiently teachin tis slow girl...

Otto for teachin me n guidin me thru all the editin n time spent in bilik mayat....

Eric for his funny humor.

N for one who was there wit me frm beginning....my darlin Sangeetha who listened 2 me n shared so much wit me....thx u so much 4 bein such a dear fren. I went to intern n got myself a great fren...i miss u........

Jing2 my darlin, who shared laughters wit me.....every mornin n nite....who was there 4 me....n carin n lovin me....

Vaani n Kogi for bein my lunch partner s well s findin me d place 2 stay...i owe u guys millions for tskin care of me....N Kogi, thx 4 d talk we had tt Fri wen all of them were nt there. i reli enjoyed it. :P

Guna kor, for tirelessly fetchin me all da time....im touched n indebted in every way....

So ever since aft my internhsip wat reli happened 2 me?.... ALOT...

But suffice 2 say tt im nw back 2 ukm for Masters studies n doin ok there but bit busy. Update u guys more next time alright...:)

Growin up.:)

Hey everyone...

Alot of things happened since d last time i updated my blog. To keep d story simple, i shall tell all of u d key points.

1. I completed my thesis on Michael Jackson n passed it up. My dearly beloved supervisor told me tt she will love 2 publish my work in2 jurnals. Flying high s it was a great compliments s undergraduate's work hardly get published.

2. Had difficulty findin hse 4 my internship, but in d end landed a room in Pantai Dlm wit Jing Jing s my roommate. It's been great stayin wit her. :)

3. Went for my final exam n well, it wasn't 2 bad...

4. Started my internship on 3rd of May in TraxxFM.

5. Now it is d end of my 2nd week at internship. So far I have done
a) ALOT of paperworks n makin schedules for them.
b) CALLIN alot of winners to inform them regarding their prizes n stuffs as well as hotel managers.
c) PSA - i did 5 capsules on sugars, wesak day ads as well as career carnival. So basically my jobs here revolved alot around doin ads...
d) Created many playlists for d DJs
e) Used my voice for a couple of PSA
f) Went back UKM for a job s well usin my voice 4 d demo product CD of fire extingusher...

It's been busy...n i miss alot of ppl...:) Suguna, Suet Mei, Suet Cheng, Kirsten, my debate gangs...gosh....wil catch wit u all soon...till then..tk cr...:)

S.E.R.E.N.I.T.Y

2 years plus in ukm has taught me so much. Changed me alot in fact. The people i met, the things i went thru, the tears n sorrow, the lessons i learnt.

And now, here i stand, on my very final semester. Another cross road, another path to take very soon. Where to go for my internship and after that, wat will i do after graduating from degree? I do have things in my mind, but, who noe wat will happen tmrw right? But many songs just keep playing in my mind as i hang on to tis uncertainty...

Like....

Many things about tmrw,
I dun seems to und,
But I noe who holds tmrw and
I noe who holds my hands.

And...

Higher hands are leading me,
I am not afraid i know,
As i walk this world below,
For higher hands are leading me.

And....

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When don't see his plan
When you can't trace his hand
Trust His Heart

He sees the master plan
He holds the future in his hand,
Don't live as those who have no hope,
While our hope is found in him.
We see the present clearly
But he sees the first and last
And like a tapestry He's weaving you and me,
To someday be just like him

He alone is faithful and true
He alone knows what is best for you

The Lord's plan is indeed better and higher...
Though sumtimes i may not understand y God do certain things..
But all i noe, i can trust Him to guide me in every step of my life...
Wretched as i am...unfaithful as i am....

If we are faithless, God is faithful,
For He can't deny Himself.

Indeed, i have tasted and see that the Lord is good.

He lead me...He lead me...As a dear Shepherd who cares for His flock....

He healed my wounds and wiped away my tears....

Though sumtimes i may not see it...

Each climb to broga hill reminded me of tis. Wen i was without torchlight wen i climbed tt hill b4 sunrise,in d dark, i was reminded how often in life, i walked in darkness, yet d Lord is rite beside me thru every potholes and dangers.

Yea thru d shadow of d valley of death,
I shall not fear any harm,
Thy road and thy staff,
They comfort me, And
You will not leave me alone

Wen i bring torch light for the climb, i was reminded that sumtimes, He shone lights in my life, but only sufficient just to see the immediate next step.

And now, here i am in another phase...

Another chance to grow further in Him...

Such blessed assurance, that Lord Jesus is mine in my walk of life,
Oh wat a foretaste of glory divine...

Though i have so far to go in bein Christlike, yet...
I know the Lord will finish the good work He started to completion.

Lord, thx u because...

So far, it's been so good so far,
Thru all the joys and scars,
You won the battle in my heart.
I long for wat u have in store,
Another open door, should i stay here or look for more?

So far, You brought me,
So far, You taught me,
So far, that everythin i need You are,
N nw, another turn 2 take,
Another choice to make,
I can't believe we come so far..

U said the fight has just begun,
And yet the battle's won,
By trustin in ur Holy Son.
You know the plans You have for me,
I am tryin to believe,
But my eyes can only see so far..

Dear Father, may all those who comes behind me finds me faithful to You,
As that is the only thing i can do for you..So little to repay Your love.

I will cont 2 run d race, i will cont 2 strive 2 grow in d Lord...

I will cling to the old rugged cross....

Thx U Lord for everythin.....
And for not leavin me alone.....

F.O.C.U.S

hey ppl....haven got time 2 keep updated...jz here 2 say happy valentine 2 all of u...i love u all...tk good cr till i write a longer post~

L.O.V.E

Recently,i been reli frustrated bcos my ptptn loan is not in..facin financial prob n it is at tis time tt my laptop hav to gimme prob after 2 years plus of followin me...wit d work i gotta do,rushin lik mad bcos i use uni's computer lab tt closes at 5 pm..n stayin in d studio d whole day often time gimme a very depressed mood..

Each time i go back hostel at nite, i feel so...lonely and memang down lama-lama ok...

Then bcos of financial constraint n oso time constraint, i been out of touch wit my buddies s well s church mates...even more frust...

Feel out of place wit frens...FRUST...

N im so caught up wit my own prob, i seems to be so selfish n hardly hav time for others...Lagi Lagi Frust...

N can't b back home 2 b wit mum though i noe she's alone at home most days...LAGI FRUST...

Knowin my family n frens got prob, but can't help....DOWN DOWN DOWN...

SO

Suffice 2 say, my mood hasn't been good le..hehehe...

But...I learned so much n can't b more grateful....

*though my loan gimme prob, i hav a wonderful family tt i cn rely on...my 2nd bro,who is nt a very expressiv type of ppl, been supportin me...i feel his love though there isn't much said between us...

*tt im brought up in a not-so-rich family, it shaped me up to b a more mature person n knowin how hard money is earned...yet nv once since my young day, did i go hungry, did i go without clothes n things...bcos i hav dad n mum who will do all they cn 2 provide 4 me..

n dad jz reassured me tis mornin, "dun wori, dad will do my best ok..u jz do wat u need 2 do n leave d rest 2 me"...i...i reli can't say hw much i love my parent though they hav their flaws...they ALWIZ supported me in all i do, they ALWIZ understand....

*tt my laptop spoilt oni by now...it has been servin me faithfully for 2 yrs plus without hassle..it oni start givin probs nw on my last sem, D LEAST BUSY sem of all sems ok...

*tt bcos my laptop gav me prob, i learn 2 b more efficient in my work, i learnt 2 cut down unnnecessary online time, i learnt hw 2 reformat my laptop myself, i learnt hw 2 detect probs of laptop.

*tt i noe miss peiling n suguna offered me their laptop...d kindness...gosh...

*tt wen im lonely, it is then i feel God teachin me so much 2 rely on Him n remindin me tt im here 2 serve n not 2 b served...

*tt wen im lonely n feel out of place, God make me stronger...

*tt though im selfish, though im so weak, though im so wretched,God stil dun giv up on me, n tryin mold me 2 b more lik Christ...God, wat am i tt u r so mindful of me?

*tt i noe miss suguna cn turn my emo time 2 d most hilarious statement...LOL

So u c..things r nt so bad after all~~Good monday~~

Count ur blessings,
Name them one by one,
Count ur blessings,
C wat God has done,
Count ur blessings,
Name them one by one,
N it wil suprised u wat d Lord had done...

H.E.A.R.T.A.C.H.E

Someone to just borrow a shoulder for me to cry on....

Anybody?

:)

I'll be ok...just need pampering...

Life Without FB

Had to go without FB for a week..Tot i will b like tis....



But u noe wat, in d end...





+ It reli feels good +
+ life in real world is indeed. +
+ so much better +
+ thx U Lord +

Had A Bad Day

Suffice 2 say....
I had a bad day yesterday wit so many things not goin rite..
But oh well...



Yup...im an optimist hamster! One day at a time. Today?




Assignment mode on! Thx Baby Google for all these images~~

Good old days.

My good old day in Kajang High School in Punjabi Suit. But i can't recall much of it. Just rem i was tellin a sajak for National Day. Miss those days wen i used to tell sajak.

Gettin older?....yeeeppp.....it's been 3 yrs since i left High School.

Time goes on n on, n before i noe it, nw im gonna grad from uni n face another cross road of my life.

Thx U Lord for bein faithful all these yrs.

Dedicated 2 u!

Today i opened up my FB acc n someone actually popped up to say hi. She reali made my day! Tis person is none other than miss lau cheng cheng.

She is a friend whom i know since standard 5. Longest survivin friendship because i dun tink i still keep in touch wit any of my frens from my standard 1-3 year.

I stil recall my very 1st day in Std 5. I was lost n terrified not knowin anyone since i jumped PTS. I almost cried that mornin wen everyone gave me d what-is-tis-girl-doin-in-our-class look. I ended up sittin besid tis girl whom i tot was a malay bcos she was more on d tanned skin side *hitam manis ok* Then the teacher called out d attendance n lo n behold d girl next to me is called lau cheng cheng. Everyone includin d teacher was puzzled. Only then we knew she is of a mixed parentage, hence d skin color.

N that was d very beginnin of our beautiful frenship. We played together n stick 2gether wit each other. My very 1st school trip was wit her too! Check out how cute we were durin our young days. *nt tt we r old nw, haha*



We went swimmin 2gether, library. We were reali good girl alright. :D

We lost touched after Form 1 because we went to different school, but i always tell people bout tis best fren i had in primary. We bumped into each other once in awhile n we tried keepin in touch, but it was difficult s we dun hav handphones or internet line back then *kids these days r so fortunate*

Then..finally after years, we found each other thru Facebook n we even met up once. She hasnt changed much over the yrs. Stil the same old sweet Cheng Cheng i always known. But, of course, we grown more mature. S we sat down n chatted in McD, it was s if we never lost touch over d yrs n we can talk bout anythin.

You know what is d most beautiful thing of all?...I discovered she believed in Lord Jesus Christ s i did n tt make d bond even stronger s we serve d same Lord n s we share common view on things.

Trust me, she and i r so different in personalities, background, d path we r pursuing, but d bond is stil there.

Cheng cheng, cheers 4 our frenship tt had survived all d lost communication, difference n time. I love u babe.

Kadang Kala

Kadang-kala, kita sebagai manusia, kita cuba untuk membuatkan semua orang untuk menyukai siapa kita dan menghargai diri kita. Kadang kala, kita cuba untuk menjadi antara mereka yang popular. Kadang-kala kita tidak meminta pun untuk menjadi popular, setakat untuk menjadi salah seorang daripada sesebuah kumpulan. Mengikut pensyarah aku, itu dipanggil esprit de core *sense of belonging/ semangat kekitaan*

Tapi, kita kadang-kala alpa... untuk menghargai mereka yang menghargai kita kerana kita cuba untuk memuaskan hati mereka yang hanya menggunakan kita. Kita kadang-kala tidak sedar bahawa insan terbaik berada di hadapan mata kita sahaja. Kita kadang-kala mengorbankan apa yang tidak patut dan melakukan apa yang tidak patut untuk menjadi sebahagian daripada kumpulan gempak.

Kita ampu mereka. Kita habiskan masa berbuat apa sahaja untuk mereka. Kita bergelak kosong dengan mereka. Kita terkial-kial mencari mereka tatkala kita perlukan kawan.

Di dalam perjalanan itu,kawan sejati kita tinggalkan.(Ah lah, tak free r. Aku nak keluar dengan orang lain.) Papa dan mama kita tinggalkan.(mama,i nak keluar dengan dia. Kerja rumah nanti la saya buat. Ayah, i nak duit untuk makan dengan kawan)

Di akhir hari, kita akan sedar bahawa apabila kawan-kawan gempak ini tinggalkan kita, meminggirkan kita, aniaya kita, pijak kita demi kepentingan dia...

Siapa yang akan datang untuk membantu kita...

Keluarga yang kita ambil ringan dan tengking. Kawan yang sedih bila kita tidak mencari dia namun tetap ada untuk kita.

Gelak tawa itu penting. Tidak salah untuk kita berkawan dengan semua orang, tidak salah untuk kita membantu semua orang, tetapi...di tahun baru ini..ingatlah siapa yang benar-benar penting di dalam hidup kita. Hargailah keluarga dan kawan tersayang.

Finally..

Hey everyone...for those who tink my blog is dead *note to hui hsien* i finally revive it. Just don't really have the mood to sit down n type wat i tink and anyhow, being me, i dun tink any1 is interested in wat i have to say...

Anyway, it is d 4th of Jan n i had a blast 4 d last few days of my 2009 n first few days of my 2010.

Closing of 2009 - went Kirsten's house for Kane's bday. Good time catchin wit amir, natasha, Szeping n Kirsten
- went out wit Miss Chikwan, Huihsien, Szeping, Xianshi n Miss Chingyee *so glad to c her,haven met since we left high school! Not lik i wasn't glad to c d rest of u guys, LOL*

1st Jan- spent my 12 am in church wit church member, went home n spent time wit mum till 3 am. Then woke up at 5 am to go hikin in broga hill wit my church mates n Suguna's frens. Then went bowling. Hehe. Loved my new yr

2nd Jan - Went for my first swim in kajang hill golf club wit miss suguna n aunty kim. Then by 2 pm, went out wit miss ellice, miss phoebe, miss suguna *again miss suguna* n mr jupe to my 1st in ikea, early dinner in ikea n then my 1st 3D movie *avatar*

3rd Jan - marked the start of sun school for this year. So glad to c those faces back n yup, my 1st visit to one of the children's home too. Glad to chat wit one of d kids mum but kinda feel sad bcos her life is tough - will keep prayin for her.

4th Jan - back in uni. Sigh. My time in UKM is numbered.

Hurm...everyone been writin bout new year resolution. It's such a hype durin the beginnin of the year. Im nt goin to bore u wit my resolution but just to give u a piece of my mind bout new year resolution.

1. The common resolutions of so many people will be - to spend more time with loved ones, to lose weight n to excel in their work. Does it cross ur mind tt ppl do the same resolution every year bcos they always fail in achievin tis common resolutions as the year pass them? Do u hav the strength to reali make it happen tis year?

2. Is our lives all about strivin 4 more success n 4 more tis n that? Look at ur resolutions n u will notice at the core of it, that is wat matters most to you. Life doesn't consist of all play, strivin 4 more success n more weight loss. I am not sayin tt u can't make these resolutions, but mayb it's time tt we *yes, especially me* to remember that life is not ALL about that. But that life is about serving God, followin Him n walk with Him, day by day, step by step s God teach us how to live a life tt is abundant, a life tt is worth livin, n a life that is reali life. Without God, there is no life God created u n i. It is only fair tt we play accordin to His rule.

I have resolutions, and bein d next door girl, my resolutions does include those common resolutions I listed above. But I am glad, bcos, at the end of the day, I have the Guide of Life, my Lord n Savior Jesus Christ, to show me how to live life, NOT a life of just makin resolutions year after year, strivin for more n more, BUT a life that is filled wit meanin.

P/s - yes i intend to lose weight, 5 kgs - hence the physical activity of my first few days of the year. Haha. Blessed new year,all my love.

Where might you be goin to tis fine day my fren,

Of along an aimless road that soon must end,

Chasin an illusive dream tt shines so fair,

But wen found isn't there?

I can und the weary sigh my fren,

There but for the grace of God go i my fren,

He'll lead you to your journey end,

So come along n walk wit Him.