Dilemma..

Wow..there goes another day..



Hmmm..it's not a bad day though..I've been movin all my assignments n most importantly, im goin home 2nite.hooray~~



Im now in a dilemma actually bout my course nite called malam perdana.



D committee is havin problem among themselves n i heard both side of d story.

N now 1 of d side r askin me 2 b an informal MC 4 d nite.

Then they wanna involve me in promotin d nite 2 those who r boikotin d Malam Perdana.



Im not reali sure if i shd b involved, but i reali pity my frens who worked so hard 2 make tis a wonderful nte 4 d 3rd yr who r graduatin soon.



Oh God, help me. Grant me wisdom tt i can help 2 make d nite work n every1 b happy bout it.

Help me not 2 gossip or talk bad bout any1 n b neutral in d whole thing.Help...

HAPPY DAY!

I m so frustrated...wrote a super long post n then internet connection was down n it was all gone..*sob sob*

Im reali happy..
Happy tt it's all over..
D pain, d numbing stab in2 my heart,
Tt haunts me every second of my wakin moment,
D sadness n gloom tt shows out even wen i laughed,
It's over..

I love d song, Big Girls Dun Cry by Fergie,
esp d part tt says,
"It's time 2 b a big girl now, n big girl dun cry!"..
Yup...Big girls won't cry anymo.
My tears r so precious, i won't let it flow anymo without reason!
D only ppl worthy o my tears r those tt won't make me cry!
N i always cherish a lil story Sook Chin told me bout God collectin our tears in a bottle
N how every teardrop matters 2 Him.

D ordeal i been thru past 1 yr will officially b over tis comin 1st of March..
D lingerin stain tt was left will b cleared on tt day..
How i praise God!

Im goin 2 live life 2 d fullest n enjoy every bit of it includin d mountin assignment!

Oh by d way, i noe tis sound typically student......
IM STUCKED WIT 2 MANY FREAKIN ASSIGNMENTS!

P/s- im goin 2 stop bloggin n stop facebookin 4 2 days. Gonna go on a meditation trip 2 finish up freakin assignments tt r s high s Mount Everest now. Crossin finger tt i won't break tis rule.haha!

Im so grateful 4 many things God had given me tis past 2 mths. I grew up alot thru out tis past 2 mths. D hardest time is over n now im healing..im waitin 2 soar high up. Lik a phoenix i always 1ted 2 b..

I was so lost n devastated,

Not understanding, how cld it b?

My world was dark, everythin fell apart.

I hugged myself n tears flowed freely,

I was trapped in a cage i did not 1 2 b,

So painful was d chain tt bound me.



But i stayed on in d cage,

4 i fear wat tt was outside,

Mayb, juz mayb,

It's better 2 b chained,

4 i grew 2 love d cage.



Painful, so painful s d chain got tighter,

i cld not breathe n i was in daze.

Yet i clinged on, harder than ever 2 myself,

No! I dun wanna leave tis cage.



God broke d chain n He dragged me out,

I was reluctant n i was filled wit sadness,

How cld tis b, tt d cage tt been my security,

Is now hurtin me so deeply..so deeply..

Like a child cried over a broken toy,

D loss was so great i cld not comprehend.


My loving gentle Father soothe me,

He wiped away my tears n held me tight,

He washed my wound gently,

N wit d most beautiful voice, i heard Him whisper,



My little princess, my beloved,

I muz do tis 4 ur own good,

B strong my dear,

4 i want u 2 b wat u reali r,

My princess, my lovely princess,

My phoenix,

So strong yet so beautiful...



N s Father spoke,

I saw His tears flow n felt His heartache.



Slow n fearful,

I spread my wings,

I 1ted 2 giv up 4 i noe not how 2 fly anymo,

S time ticks..i learned..



I flew n i soared high,

Only wt d strength by my Father,

I saw wat I reali am..

A child of God Most High,

A beautiful princess,

A phoenix tt is so gentle yet magical,

Not deservin 2 b trapped in d cage..


I now c, though i was blind,

Wit d scar i stil have,

N d wound s reminder,

I soar high,

Prayin 4 strength frm my dear Father,

2 dance d grand dance of a princess,

Choreograph solely 4 me,

4 peace n serenity 2 b strong,

N wit my tears, heal others wound..

NONSENSICAL RANDOM STUFF BOUT ME

I decided 2 list down sum random stuff bout myself juz 4 fun. Let's c where i get.Haha..

Me n food.
1. Healthy food r NOT tasty..Tasty food r NOT healthy.*most of d time la*
2. I lik fast food - KFC, McD, Pizza Hut. Western food lik steak. Love seafood except fish. Fried chicken, Ramli Burger, Indo mee.
3. I LOVE tomyam sotong + rice + telur dadar. Been eatin it 4 almost every dinner since i 1st ate it in my college everytime i stay.
4. Fan of Old Town White Coffee. Esp d nissin noodle n french toast n most recently Polo Bun wit ham n cheese. Not 2 mention their coffee. Generally love their coffee compared 2 Starbucks coffee. Feel tt Starbucks coffee is very creamy.
5. Always eat d same old thing in d same old place n not get bored.
6. Generally dunno how 2 appreciate good food. Taste bud can't reali sense d difference most of d time. Food will stil come out frm ur body d same place end of d day no matter how tasty it's.
7. NOT willin 2 spend much on food.

Me n my body.
1. I love my skin colour n my wrist.
2. I used 2 tink tt height matters, but not reali these days. Dun mind makin fun of myself n exploitin d goodness of being short. Im 148cm by d way.
3. I hate my dark circles n pale lips.
4. I like my cute lil feet though can b a hassle wen lookin 4 shoe n yes, i DO go kids department sumtimes 2 shop 4 sandal or shoe.
5. Can hav bad pimple days wen stressed up or lackin of sleepin.
6. Big arms n thighs.
7. Weight is 44 currently. Nv been tis fat ever since Form 5. I put on 4 kgs within these past 3 mths!HELP!
8. Generally pretty low self esteem s im not pretty or hot. Juz ordinary n more often tt not passed off s a wallpaper tt is there but nv been noticed.


Gonna go dinner now 4 my usual tomyam sotong n rice n telur dadar. Later we cont ah!

D yr of many 1st time!

Good mornin every1! I juz went 4 my 1st jog in UKM or i shd say my 1st personal jog in my life!Hehe..s many of u'll noe, im nv a healthy kind. Im purely contented 2 b a fat cute lil couch potato. :P

But it's now showin on my face. My black circles can't b hidden anymo.:( tt's y 4 d 1st time in my life, now im tryin 2 live a healthier life 2 flush out all d toxic in my body. Ntg big though. Tryin 2 drink more water *i normally survive without water 4 full day* thru out January n i managed 2! Now im drinkin 2 litres of water everyday! tt's 1 1st.

Now im crossin my fingers tt i can keep up wit tis joggin routine. D bed sure feel good wen it's time 2 wake up 2 jog.:P

It's my 1st yr s a single aft 5 long yrs, my 1st time celebratin new yr, CNY n Valentine s a single.
Then my 1st yr in kajang 4 d whole CNY ever since last 5 yrs oso. Past 5 yrs, i've been goin trips. 1st time visited frens hse 4 CNY, 1st time invited frens 2 my hse 4 CNY.Hehe..Oh, n my 1st yr of celebratin my 1st day of CNY not goin 2 my grandfather's hse. Overslept tt mornin. :( 1 of d 1st time im not proud of.

Then my 1st time goin many places. 2 embarassed 2 list down those places though. u guys'll b suprised tt i juz started goin places lik tt. :P lik...Mont Kiara..ok ok, enough revealin.

Neway, it's oso my 1st time in yrs celebratin sook chin's bday. S a matter of fact, i tink i nv celebrated 4 her.hehe...sorry girl, lookin 4ward 4 more!

Then it's my 1st time stayin in uni though i dun hv class d next mornin. Normally, i'll fly home d day i finish class. But not tis yr. Im now in uni though im not havin class 2day.hehe..

Then it's my 1st time bloggin. Im sure u can c im such a freshie, wen every1 is d so tired of bloggin. Sorry la, im always slow 1 ma. Oh of coz, not 2 mention, bein able 2 online frm room in uni since they started havin d wi fi service in whole uni.:)

My 1st time in Astro.hehe..cool.

N my 1st time doin my own film.

N listenin 2 Fly FM. *it's been ages i ever tuned in 2 radio*

*giggle* Juz tot of another 1st time, but tt 1 is 2 personal 2 b told.:P

Juz hopin tt i'll b headin d rite direction wit my many 1st time tis yr.

I 1ted a different good yr ahead n so far, im thxful tt everythin is juz tt. Im glad im achievin more tis yr.:)

Im lookin 4ward 4 my trip up 2 Gentin 2 overnite wit frens 4 d 1st time. I mean, im a frequent goer of Genting, juz tt i nv go there overnite wit frens.

Neway, juz hopin 4 few 1st time lik:-

1. Finish readin d whole Bible 4 d 1st time. Leviticus, im not goin 2 giv up on u!
2. Hopin 2 read more books oso. So far, read Chicken Soup 4 D Soul, a missionary account on Abu Sayyaf n re read Narnia d Last Battle. Tryin 2 read more doctrinal book.
3. Once i manage 2 get d hook on joggin n drinkin alot of water, i'll start cuttin down *not quit ok* on my fast food n tomyam sotong intake. But so far, not plannin 2 do so. Way 2 tasty 2 b given up.
4. Juz 2 spend more time wit family n frens.:)

My emo time..

It's a wonder how wen u came back frm a tired day of class, d rainy weather n physical tiredness'll make ur mood swing all of a sudden n u feel so depressed. Suddenly, it's s though every sound around u sound so loud..all u 1 2 do is retire 2 a quiet place n juz enjoy d serenity of bein alone.. I nv undstood tis wen sum1 last time always tell me tis. But i finally get it.

I came back n had my shower. I obliged 2 my routine of chattin wit my roomy. "i need 2 b alone", my heart says. I told my roomy im goin down 4 my dinner in cafe though i can always ta pau. D moment i reach cafe, i was happy tt i finally can sit down by myself without talkin 2 any1, 2 enjoy a good square meal n juz emo wit God. Alas!there goes sum of my frens tt came n sat down n eat wit me. Wit full courtesy,i sat n there went another round of chat 2 get 2 noe them better. Then they asked me 2 go over 2 their room. Later i say.

It's so hard juz 2 b alone. Ppl tink it's miserable 2 b alone. But i tink we all need sum time alone juz 2 b wit God bcos we so easily missed His presence in our hustle of routine. S d bride tt slept then missed d presence of her Beloved in Songs of Songs, so we need 2 b aware whether we r missin Him s we r so caught up wit ourselves. Wen we missed Him, it's not His loss, but rather, it's ours. Juz s how d bride was overwhelmed wit d smell of her Beloved n d flower after He left, let' us all vow not 2 do d same, 2 leave our Bridegroom wen He knocked on our door.

On another note, i felt a mixture of many emotions 2day, it's drainin me out. I feel guilty 4 treatin a real nice person cruelly, but i noe i muz do it so tt i won't do him n myself any harm. i muz b cruel 2 b kind, cool n indifferent on d surface. Then it brought a trail of thoughts. I felt happy, 2 noe him n 2 noe sum other ppl. Yet, i treated them in a manner tt's bad bcos i wanna protect myself n 2 certain extend, them.

They dun und how much unhappiness i can bring them. They dun get it tt i can hurt them so easily. N i'll hurt them not bcos of their fault, but rather bcos of sum1 else. A shadow or more lik a ghost of my past.

Will i ever b able 2 break tis wall down n sumday trust again?..I dun wanna hurt any1, no..but i noe i will if they get any closer 2 me.

I need 2 b alone..alone so tt i'll hurt no 1..im tired of tryin 2 cast away d dark shadow tt lurks around me n refusin 2 let me go..

i muz put a mask on...4 now..

I can't b d same old Suetnie..

Ppl said tt u r often confused wit wat u reali r we u r a teenager..y do i still feel tt way even now??..guess im juz lik my physical, stil stunted at age of 21 *hey, almost there, stop gigglin*

Im stil findin myself at tis point of time. Still tryin 2 noe who i reali am. Last time i love d song, Stay D Same by Joey. Yet now, wen I listened 2 it these days, i realized, i do not 1 2 b d old Suet Nie. At least not wat i had been 4 d past few yrs.

S i reflected on my past few yrs, i regretted many things.

My passion 4 God was mere lukewarm. Did i worship Him wit zeal? Nop. Did i serve Him s i shd? Nop. Did i read His Word n pray s i shd? Nop.

D time tt i missed out hangin out wit frens, carin 4 my frens, buyin stuff 4 them, hangin out more n chattin more wit my family. I invested my time in2 sumthin else n turned in2 sum1 tt i don't lik 2 look at now.

Did i ever bother 2 rem frens bday? Nop. Did i ever b there wen they r in trouble? Nop. I was fully contented in my own world. Did i go out wit them n spend time wit them wen im busy? Nop.

Wen i look at my assembly, wat hv i done 4 my bros n sis in Christ? Did i serve them wit all my heart s i shd? Nop. I was a taker much more than a giver. I nv care enough other than d shallow hehe haha.. I was personally not sharin anythin 2 them.

D past 1 yr esp hurt me wen i look at my family. Not tt i did anythin wrong 2 them, but i was hurtin myself n i wallow in self pity, not realizin they need me. They need my time, attention n most importantly, my prayers.

I can't n i muz not b d same old suetnie.

I wanna love n care s i shd. 2 b human again rather than d cold, uncarin, selfish nie ppl always known me s. I dun 1 2 b a hypocrite anymo. God, help me..

I HATE BENJAMIN BUTTON!

b4 u start jumpin in protest n decided 2 leave negativ comment on my blog, allow me 2 explain myself.

4 those who dunno bout tis show, tis show is bout benjamin (brad pitt) who was born old n die young. He aged reversedly compared 2 normal human. D storyline is very interestin 2 start wit.

However i had many doubts b4 i watched tis show. I wondered at how they r goin 2 pull it off logically. I mean does tt mean his mum kept an old man in her stomach? How is she goin 2 fit tt old man in her tummy n much more gave birth 2 tis old man?n if tt's d case, is he born wit d wisdom of an old man or he is juz a baby in an old man's body? If he has a wisdom of an old man, does tt mean he'll talk n have lotsa wisdom wen he turn baby??..

But all my douts was unfounded. They pull it off superbly. Though d script can b pretty dry n philosophical sumtimes, it was all made up wit d intense emotion put in by d casts.

U reali hav 2 get in2 d show, 2 feel d depth of love tt a motherly nature lady hav 4 a special child despite other ppl's view n c-ing wat others can't c.

Now 2 d part y i say i hate benjamin button. It was so movin 2 c how d 2 main cast was in love,yet not bein able 2 b 2gether due 2 their circumstances. Their love went thru many things n came out unharmed. N wen they finally get 2gether, it was but lik a meteor, a short yet beautiful love..

I came out frm cinema, feelin sad 4 d unconditional true love tt stand d test of time. I hav nv cried ever since i last watched king kong *sorry, king kong is way 2 cute 2 b killed, my poor baby!*

Tt's y i hate benjamin button! I vow, if i find my true love, i'll reali love him n app it, 4 s tis movie show, it is indeed a privilege if u hv d chance 2 love sum1 n b loved.

P/s - trust me, i nv find brad pitt s handsome. He's juz ok in my eyes. so my view is definitely 1 tt's based on his actin alone n ntg more!

another mundane tots.

Hmmm...gonna watch curious case of benjamin later n wonderin how it's gonna b lik. Pretty excited bout it act.hehe..

Neway,2day a topic keep comin out among my coursemate.. Is brand important wen we buy sumthin??...I personally dun care bout brand n i seems pretty cheapo i guess.

But..no doubt..wit ppl around me gettin all worked up bout their clothes,shoe,bag brands, kinda make me wonder, shd i start carin bout brand??..

Hmm...i still hav no straight answ at tis point of time.Its' pretty subjectiv 4 every1.But i guess 4 now, im happy 2 b a girl who can't c d difference between a Padini shirt n a RM10 pasar malam shirt!*sorry 2 those who feel insulted tt i can't make out d difference!*

neway, gotta get goin. keep u guys updated bout benjamin later!brad pitt,here i come!

It's been a memorable Valentine's Day!

My Valentine have nv been more different than tis yr..4 d past 5 yrs,my Valentine was juz lik any other couple. Tis yr, my Valentine have been a BLAST though in a very different way.

I started my countdown by celebratin wit my bunch of old frens, *u noe who u r* n it was crazily funny s we laughed n talked. Juz hangin around. May sound simple n ntg big, but it is sumthin of big significance 2 me..Y, u ask..hmmm...I'll tell u..

God reali love me. Im so glad 4 tis group of frens n few others tt stick 2 me thru thick n thin ever since i noe them. I gotta admit, im not d best of fren 4 im nv d kind tt keep in touch n i do tend 2 push them aside wen i have so called "more-important-things" 2 do.As I sat there, staring at each of them, each wit their own distinct personality, studies n path, yet truly frens, I can't help tinkin, do I deserve tis frens? I esp felt their love thru out last yr wen i was goin thru difficult period.

I dun hav many frens, neither do i plan 2 hav many hi-bye fren, but God had blessed me wit all these angels in disguise. I love u ppl!

Though im sad tt many of them either already left or leavin soon 2 oversea, they r all written in my heart! N i'll keep them there, safe n secure!

2day, I went Astro 4 sum uni stuff. It was cool n fun. Then I looked at myself n realised how much I had changed. Wen I 1st came in uni, I hate it n I love goin home, everyday! *poor thing my dad gotta pick me up n down, he's truly d best dad* Now, I feel reali grateful 2 God 4 givin me a course tt I like n enjoy doin. I tink im startin 2 feel nostalgic bout UKM already!

Later, im goin 2 church 4 YA n im goin 2 present bout Solomon. God in many ways, tot me bout lovin Him beyond things of d earth, 4 2 Him, He can giv me much better things then wat d world offer thru Solomon. Again, I can't help but thx Him 4 His love beyond degree.

Not to mention my assembly, who had been there 4 me in many ways, uphold me in prayer, teach me more bout God n oso encourage me thru their lives. Oh how blessed!

Great family, great frens, great assembly n above all a GREAT God,how can I say tt im not blessed n loved??...

God gave me more than I prayed 4. I only ask tt He pull me thru Valentine, but He opened my eyes 2 a whole diff dimension of Valentine. How can I thx God enough..Thx U Lord, though im weak, U r mightily strong.

my 1st post on blog!

Hmmm...everyone mz b wonderin wat did it take me tis long 2 act start a blog..2 start wit, i gotta clarify 1 thing, i dun have anythin against blog. I reali do enjoy readin ppl's blog n c how ppl write n tink bout how different they r in real person n in their blog. U oso get 2 noe a person better thru his or her blog. On a lighter note, sumtimes there are interestin pics of food, clothes n places *all d things tt i reali love*

But yeah,back 2 my point. I nv blog bcos i juz tink tt my life is fairly mundane n ordinary tt there is ntg much 2 write bout. Plus d hassle 2 update it every now n then. Im not a good writer unfortunately, so writer block is more of a norm 2 me than a crisis tt happen. :P Neway, so wat make me start bloggin?..

Ntg reali bombastic wit all d lightning stuff or drama watsoever. I juz tot tt i shd juz learn 2 express myself more freely in writin n hopin tt practise make perfect! Or mayb im juz succumbin 2 d peer pressure, since every1 is havin a blog! Juz tot tt no harm done 2 try it out! So which reason 2 b more precise?..i dunno myself..err..sorry, tt's juz me. Blur n complicated. Nite!