My emo time..

It's a wonder how wen u came back frm a tired day of class, d rainy weather n physical tiredness'll make ur mood swing all of a sudden n u feel so depressed. Suddenly, it's s though every sound around u sound so loud..all u 1 2 do is retire 2 a quiet place n juz enjoy d serenity of bein alone.. I nv undstood tis wen sum1 last time always tell me tis. But i finally get it.

I came back n had my shower. I obliged 2 my routine of chattin wit my roomy. "i need 2 b alone", my heart says. I told my roomy im goin down 4 my dinner in cafe though i can always ta pau. D moment i reach cafe, i was happy tt i finally can sit down by myself without talkin 2 any1, 2 enjoy a good square meal n juz emo wit God. Alas!there goes sum of my frens tt came n sat down n eat wit me. Wit full courtesy,i sat n there went another round of chat 2 get 2 noe them better. Then they asked me 2 go over 2 their room. Later i say.

It's so hard juz 2 b alone. Ppl tink it's miserable 2 b alone. But i tink we all need sum time alone juz 2 b wit God bcos we so easily missed His presence in our hustle of routine. S d bride tt slept then missed d presence of her Beloved in Songs of Songs, so we need 2 b aware whether we r missin Him s we r so caught up wit ourselves. Wen we missed Him, it's not His loss, but rather, it's ours. Juz s how d bride was overwhelmed wit d smell of her Beloved n d flower after He left, let' us all vow not 2 do d same, 2 leave our Bridegroom wen He knocked on our door.

On another note, i felt a mixture of many emotions 2day, it's drainin me out. I feel guilty 4 treatin a real nice person cruelly, but i noe i muz do it so tt i won't do him n myself any harm. i muz b cruel 2 b kind, cool n indifferent on d surface. Then it brought a trail of thoughts. I felt happy, 2 noe him n 2 noe sum other ppl. Yet, i treated them in a manner tt's bad bcos i wanna protect myself n 2 certain extend, them.

They dun und how much unhappiness i can bring them. They dun get it tt i can hurt them so easily. N i'll hurt them not bcos of their fault, but rather bcos of sum1 else. A shadow or more lik a ghost of my past.

Will i ever b able 2 break tis wall down n sumday trust again?..I dun wanna hurt any1, no..but i noe i will if they get any closer 2 me.

I need 2 b alone..alone so tt i'll hurt no 1..im tired of tryin 2 cast away d dark shadow tt lurks around me n refusin 2 let me go..

i muz put a mask on...4 now..